Zero steps forward

[Pax_luv]

Hello there,
Haven't been on here in a while. Fortunately, it was because I was really preoccupied with GALing and work travel... However, I think I suffered a bit of a set back this weekend. I was doing so well and actually feelin great and all of a sudden everything came rushing back and I am now in this pit of despair. It's like a deeper level of grief and pain than I had before. Maybe I'm mourning the marriage officially now? Maybe I'm becoming more accepting that this isn't going to work out?. I've been DBing for 5 months and I've gotten nothing from H (I know- no expectations)... But I just want/need a nugget of SOMETHING from him. I miss him, my house, my inlaws, our friendship... Everything. I am so surprised by how much I still love him. It's crazy.. And that's what makes me want to continue and not throw in the towel. Lord knows that's the easy way out. I don't want to give up on him and us, but maybe this is par for the course?

Ugh- just needed an outlet to let this out and shift the focus back to me. Personally, I've been doin well- took up Kung fu, bible study, and Rosetta Stone Spanish...I'm continuing my meditation and social endeavors as well. It was working wonders until recently and I'm not sure what triggered this emotional backslide. Ok- no sulking- just moving. Enjoy your week!