I am a little slow on the uptake here, but it just really crossed my mind that I might be better off without H. Really, what am I holding on so tightly for? If he doesn't want me, he should go. That is starting to sink in.
WANTING to be with your H is very different than NEEDING to be with him. That, to me at least, is how I define detachment.
Intellectually I am there. Realistically I'm miles away
SciDad, I am still miles away too, because I know my H loved me for so many years. I know he did. I still think he might, but its buried deep. But I can't wait forever for him to figure it out. I am starting to think in terms of a timeframe/deadline. I don't want to do that. Right after BD I thought my birthday would be my deadline. That was 4 months. Well that came and went, then I thought the end of summer. Here we are in November. Now I am thinking one year anniversary of BD, but H will be away for 6 months, so maybe when/if he returns. At some point I have to be loved again or find it somewhere else. And then I feel selfish, like I am letting my kids down. But at that point it will be 18 months and I think that is more than fair.
But things have been improving, so what if they continue to improve but are still not where I want them to be? At what point do I decide that its enough. I guess I should take that thought off the table for now, because I am not there yet.
