Unlurking to share my story

[SciDad]

Update about the weekend since I wasn't able to post

Main thing is that I celebrated my birthday by going out a date with my wife. Nothing big, just dinner and a play. But it's a start.

My biggest problem is that didn't realize I had expectations going into this - our last date night (last month) didn't have anything attached. And yet I set myself up for disappointment, most likely because it was also my birthday....

Backstory: Last few weeks I've started noticing all the signs I hate. Wife texting/playing on phone a lot, then never leaving it out of her sight. Hell, she even takes it to the shower with her. Then I noticed she was dressing in more form-fitting clothes. And that she was wearing outfits OM gave her. Then she went on a ladies night out with someone from work and didn't get back until the boys bedtime. I think you can see where my mind was going with all this. The last time I caught her spending time with OM was the day before our Anniversary.

So, I'm obviously in a bad mental state when she volunteers to take our S10 to karate practice while I clean the house before the baby sitter gets there. No problem, but then I remember that OM goes to the same gym where karate is... Then I realized that neither of our sons had wished me a happy birthday when I woke up (I always make sure they do that for her). Turns out they didn't know. So now I'm getting a little more upset, until W comes home and I notice a birthday card in her purse. Great, I think - she got me a card, but didn't have time until now. That must have been why she wanted to drop off S10. Problem is I NEVER GOT THE card. Was it for someone else? What did I miss?

OK, so I try to get past it and we go have a lovely dinner (it really was great) and we laughed and talked and enjoyed ourselves for a couple hours before we needed to leave. Saw the play, held hands a little. Everything seemed great. But I couldn't stop feeling like I was missing something from my birthday.

I realized what it was when we got home - I hadn't gotten a chance to celebrate with my kids. No cake, no singing. And it bugged me more than I realized because as I thanked her for such a lovely evening I screwed up and mentioned it. She fought what I believe to be legitimate tears as I tried in vain to fix the situation. I think she genuinely tried to give me a nice night out and a nice birthday, but didn't think I wanted to do something with the kids. I didn't say it, but I don't care that she spent a lot of money on the dinner/play. I still wanted to enjoy it with my family.

She eventually accepted my apology and things seemed to be light this morning, but I can't help thinking I messed up big time and took a big step back. Next time I will STFU and focus on the effort she made - it can't be easy - and not think about any OM lurking in the shadows

Two steps forward, one step back? Time will tell...