Another reason you need a plan is if you charge in there today with just a couple Facebook posts (screenshots) only they will just say they suspected you were watching and simply pretending hoping to bust you snooping on them.

Play dumb - accept her explanation, apologize and promise to never try to snoop on her ever again.

Then -ASAP go an get the recording device and snoop SMARTER.

This is war. Your kids deserve your best effort and busting up this affair the right way give them the best chance of having their mom and dad work things out. You've had 3 years of a stalemate and it's no wonder....there was a fox in your henhouse and your hen is completely fixated on the fox. There is no "working on your marriage", reconciliation or "piecing" when a third party interloper remains involved in any way.

Also, be very careful. Many a wayward wife has used these confrontations to accuse the betrayed spouse of abuse. She could call the cops on you and try to get you removed from the home AND a domestic charge against you (giving her advantage when it comes to custody of the children and everything else in a divorce case).

Again....throwing her out of the MBR isn't the first priority right now.

Keep your wits about you.

The internet is 90% complaining and entitlement and I hate it because I deserve better!