It's so ironic because you posted on another thread calling my "wonky" or whatever so I thought I'd read through your thread this morning and try to help you.

I was waiting for you to start a new thread to tell you.

Based upon my experience with lots of situations, I am pretty sure you wife is having an affair. It's probably more a lot more than a EA and has probably been going on since 2012. All the classic nuanced signs are there. In particular, I noticed how she was always keep tabs on your work schedule and when you'd be leaving - coming and going. Calling you an hour after you left (to double check you were actually on your way) and being all happy the day you were going into London for a couple nights. I also took note that she was upset when you shortened one work trip a night (which obviously messed with her plans with an OM).

I was going to tell you that and BEG you to get a voice activated recording device and hide it in her car just to rule out that all your marital problems aren't simply (mostly) due to the fact there is another man in your marriage.

Now, reading this thread and your discovery it is all the more important for you to think rationally right now and develop a plan.

First - Don't confront until you have all the facts. There is a debate on DB about snooping but I don't think this is the unhealthy kind of obsessive snooping that MWD is talking about. You need to, BEFORE your wife catches on to the fact you are really suspicious and spying on her thoroughly, step up your snooping game by buying a voice activated voice recorder and hiding it in her car to capture her cell phone conversations with OM (or her best girlfriend that knows the whole story). The reason this is important is that in order to save your marriage and family (or your sanity should you divorce) is by YOU getting all the pertinent facts up front. You can't HOPE she'll tell you the truth and if you confront without the facts - she'll just lie and they will take everything underground. The best way to get the FULL truth is get it yourself NOW.

2. The accumulate your evidence and sit down with your wife and confront her with all of it at once. You have to overcome the wall of denial you are about to face (especially if you confront with little evidence - because then it becomes all about you snooping on her and her "friend" and this is why she must divorce you). You need to break it down and put all the truth out there at once.

*sidenote - use the recording to get facts but NEVER mention the recording device. It's legal in my state but you're in a different country and I have no idea if you could get in trouble for such. Being a religious zealot and all (lol), neither my wife and I believe there is total privacy in marriage. Snooping to get the truth about YOUR life is perfectly fine AND it might give you the opportunity to actually SAVE your wife from continuing to make the biggest mistake of her life.

3. Are you sure your wife doesn't know about your posting here on DB. If she's reading along you are so busted already. Get Cadet to hide this thread and hope she hasn't seen it yet.

Be back later for more

The internet is 90% complaining and entitlement and I hate it because I deserve better!