Dang, Isit! I know the feeling on the EA stuff. I wouldn't confront until you have sufficient proof - as in screenshots, etc., that are all saved somewhere. Get as much as you can, because as others will attest - they will go underground, fast. I wouldn't necessarily tell her how you found out, just that you know. But get as much as you can, first.
Sandi will give you some excellent advice on what to do. Take it to heart - it took me way too long to realize what she was saying.
As far as the OM is concerned, don't do it. I don't recall the poster who said it on here, but that will put your spouse in the position of defending the affair partner. Not a good idea - what good would it do?
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
