Thank you Spiff. I appreciate your positive outlook, I am torn between feeling positive and negative. If he really believed I was so abusive that I could damage a grown man with my abusive ways, would he be leaving his 3 children in my exclusive care for 6 months?
Also, here is an interesting one. H has spent his every free moment in the last week changing our light switches. The actual wall switches, to new and improved toggle switches, some two way, one three way, all on dimmers, all labeled. If he was on his way out would he be even thinking of this? I could understand if it was house maintenance, to get the house functioning better for his kids or for real estate value. But fancy light switches? And last weekend he put in recessed lighting in our master closet.
I think, for me, the key is to show him that I am moving forward. Hard to do while he is gone, but then again that might make it easier because I can "act" it during phone calls, texts, etc, instead of living it day in day out. I want him to think he can lose me. Because actually he can. Not what I want, but after 10 months and enough spew I think anybody would start to feel like maybe its not worth it anymore.
This morning I applied for 2 part-time jobs. Either would be a good fit as they are in my field and $ is decent, and one is 20 hours per week, the other 25-30, so I could do either without being overwhelmed or needing to hire out childcare arrangements.
Another thing I was thinking. My neighbor is separated. I am thinking about asking her while H is gone if we can rotate Saturday evenings- I will watch her kids one week, she watches my boys the next- so we can go out and have a little free time. I don't even really want to go out, to be honest, I am a homebody and my ideal Saturday night is cuddling on the sofa with my boys watching movies (although they pick the worst movies) , but it would be really good for H to call and find out I am out on a Saturday night. I would enjoy seeing live bands, maybe at local bars or even a real concert once or twice a month. I did find a meetup group that would fulfill this purpose, or I think I mentioned earlier that I have 2 new friends who are divorced women who might like to go out sometimes for a girls night. I am liking this plan.
