in house S (4)

[vise82]

Hey Sandi,

SO I was spinning bit on Friday. Just a combination of things, Just applied for a new promotion, some attention from the opposite sex, knowing of my W now need to hook another man.

So week end was OK, W took kids to see her brother in another city. Strangely their train was stopped and had to continue by bus. She randomly texted me this as it happened, I texted back some joke and she said I made her laugh.

I managed to work on my shed.

Next day was a disaster, my GAL of dog school was canceled, came home and the gay neighbor scurries back to his house as everyone was outside. I see his pumpkins on our porch now. I want to smash them.

New neighbors were outside also , so I walk over and talk to them as was my W, this is a 180 for me but I am determined to make friends with them.

10 min later W leaves to go to "walmart" and I see the neighbor leaves shortly after. She was going to join a gym. Don't know why she lied to me about it.

I also had my GAL of playing soccer. I am going to leave and mention that I could take one of the kids. W suggests that she can go and bring both kids.

So we get there and I see I made a mistake on the time, three hours early, oldest kids melts down and W is mad. We head back home and W hold it over my head. I said it was a mistake no point staying mad. Here I thought a chance to show them my great soccer playing and it blows up to make me look incompetent, W is on the phone to tell her friends how much I messed up like usual.

We Had dinner together as a family then I took the youngest to soccer. All the women on the team fawned over him.

We came home put youngest to bed and then I went to talk to W about Christmas.

It was a difficult talk, she left it up to me as she said it would be harder for me. I started to mention how in the past I think we missed an opportunity to start our own traditions instead of just continuing what W did as a kid in her parents house. She started to get defensive and said that I didn't say anything for 12 years, she started to tear up.

Then I just said that Christmas is for the kids, in the kids world nothing has changed I think we can just leave it like that for Christmas.

so by saying that I agreed to Christmas eve dinner, sleep over and Christmas day and dinner. That means I imagine W and I would be sleeping in the same room.

My feelings are bitter sweet, I am very hopeful of a change of heart. But I am also very fearful of her ignoring me and I just have the kids to deal with.

It is also a chance for her family to see my changes and see a guy she would be crazy to leave.

I feel like they want me to go because it means that the kids will be there , like that is who they really want there and if her family has to tolerate me its worth it for them. This speaks of my own self worth issues I think.