So GB how do I handle Christmas? Tradition is morning with his family. His family has been so supportive of me. Insisting that I come to everything. I have been part of that family for 33 years.
See your mind is already trying to discover ways and times you just have to spend moments in the presence of WH.
You tell your in-laws that you'd really like to spend some time with them but only outside the presence WH. You aren't necessarily asking them to not allow WH to come over or disinvite him (though that would be really nice if they did choose you over WH and if you were my daughter in law that is exactly what would happen), you can be understanding that he is their son but that you only want to be there IF and when WH isn't. If he is there all day Christmas Day you just don't go over....go do some GAL stuff and don't sweat it. Create a new tradition (which will be your tradition should you not recover your marriage). Just give your inlaws your apologies and hopefully you'll be there next year - it's just not healthy for you RIGHT NOW.
You can stop by another day for a Christmas visit. It's likely your kids don't really want to spend time with WH either (which would be their choice but they are free to choose to adopt your plan as well - THEY are in charge of their relationship with your WH, not you).
This is all to be done without really talking about WH with anyone - kids or inlaws. If you visit it would also be on the condition that you are trying to heal and maintain a healthy disconnect and distance from WH and you tell everyone that you have no desire to discuss WH at all. Especially your inlaws - you want to look great and talk about what you are doing and plan to do. IF they report back to WH about you it'll be that you are looking happier and healthier than they've seen you appear in a long time and that WH better straighten out or lose you forever. This puts more pressure on OW to meet ALL his needs and make him fully secure that his choice to destroy and completely lose his relationship with you and his kids - OW can't do that and he becomes miserable and YOU slowly grow more confident, happy and attractive completely separate from you and the ONLY way he can even see you or speak to you is by dumping OW.
Full circle - your mind will tell you "that's unfair - how come you have to sit out the holidays with inlaws" and try to trick you into rationalizing and justifying just one little contact. Maybe you'll think "It's Christmas - the holiday isn't about me but about celebrating Jesus - what would Jesus do?" .... You aren't Jesus. You are a betrayed wife that has put up a good fight for over a year that has taken a drastic toll on you both physically and emotionally. Self care is the priority for now. Right now...and for the time being...YOU matter most - your story is not longer about your WH and OW. Don't talk about them - Don't relate to them - Don't even look upon them. If he or they try to intrude in your life just immediately pack up and leave. WH's don't necessarily play by the rules and even if his parents, for example, tell him not to come over from say 11-2 pm, he'll show up anyway. Leave your purse in the car, park your car where is can't be blocked in, keep your car keys on you and IMMEDIATELY exit out the back door. Literally escape. Don't give him another piece of you UNTIL he meets your boundary.
Finally - going anywhere is a risk. You can't control other people. This is your boundary....but a boundary is just a fence around your property. Anyone can hop over your fence at any time and all isn't lost. Your WH could follow you or stalk you down in the grocery store or gym while your GAL'ing. You just go out pick up your fence, keep your mouth shut or reiterate, "I'll only speak to you once you dump your paramour" then exit immediately. Don't let him force his way through your boundary or LIE and act like he's gotta have a serious talk to you about something - he's had his chance to talk it through and cry it out - you are no longer his shoulder to cry upon - his choices are clear - if he wants you (and to a large extend, his kids who may model your appropriate boundary) then he needs to end his affair.
The internet is 90% complaining and entitlement and I hate it because I deserve better!
