OMG my head is going to explode. My boys keep losing/breaking their glasses. My neighbor's kid keeps coming in to my house and moving my chairs around. This dog pees everywhere. I am depressed, distracted, anxious. I just want to crawl into a hole and cry and sleep for the next 6 months and then come out and find out if my H is going to work with me or leave me. This is hell.
I know, GAL. I cut back on GAL because I was exhausted. I don't want to do this anymore. I have a delicious bolognese sauce cooking on the stove, the house smells so good. My kids all have friends over and are happy. H is soaking in our jacuzzi. I am on here, thinking about my sitch, sad about my sitch, can't let go mentally.
I am re-evaluating my GAL for when H leaves. I can leave my kids home alone for a couple of hours, but can't really be having late nights or leaving them frequently or they fight and their friends come over and eat all my food.
I am going to look earnestly for a part time job (ideally) or work from home position. I am going to continue with my voice lessons and try to teach myself guitar. I am in a dinner group that meets weekly, and I have a church service weekly. I walk 3 miles every morning, maybe I should add more physical activity. I regularly meet with friends for lunch or to shop at thrift shops (my idea of fun.)
I really want to date. How terrible is that? I want to date my H, desperately, but if he is not interested or available I want to date. I know that isn't right, and I know that isn't good for me (or my marriage- lol!) .
I have two new divorced friends, women who are not interested in dating (totally over men, I don't know their stories, but I am sure I can figure it out) , so maybe I can go out with them? I feel like I don't really fit in with the married crowd, don't fit in with the divorced and moving on crowd, so maybe the divorced and not dating friends will be a good fit? I looked at meet-up.com for a separated group, but even when he is gone we are really not technically separated, not legally and we are both claiming we are still working on it. I need a DB meetup group! Couldn't find one online.
I am probably overthinking it, the truth is I will be alone with 3 children, probably have limited opportunities to go out at night so I will just take any invitations I get that work out. I will be lucky if its 1-2x per month, can't be too picky, I'll just do what works at the time.
I am tormenting myself. I should just learn how to live in the moment and be ok. That is the key right now for me. I need to just be ok. Maybe there is a good tv series I can immerse myself in? Watch an episode a night after the kids go to bed? Something distracting. Maybe I can set up a treadmill in front of it and combine it with physical activity. OK, there are possibilities. I am working this out. Gotta get myself focused on me. Gotta be ok during the uncertainty. Gotta follow my own advice.
And then there is the thought that this is all just a nightmare and I am going to wake up. That would be nice.
