Just out of interest, does your XH normally draw you in when he has contacted in this way before? It may be best to just validate - Hi XH - hey, I'm sorry you feel that way. Take care & have a good Thanksgiving.....or something along those lines.
Either that, or if you truly don't wish to be in touch with him, ignore it.
I agree it's probably heightened emotions with the holidays approaching and perhaps he has no plans..
Take care and put your needs first without being unkind to him xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
He is rarely honest or forthcoming about his own pain and loneliness. That's new.
I'm responding. But, just told him I have shid to do and ended it.
I need to draw the focus back on ME.
I have an early deadline this week and a date tonight. I also have a busy week and plenty of grown up responsibilities to sort out in my own life. I'm not looking for a relationship with him or anyone right now.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Heather, It's the holiday season. Even though he's not been around much for the holidays, he's thinking about what he had and what he doesn't have any longer. Some do reach out at this time of the year and then disappear again around March 17th.
I know you want to be kind, but you need to disengage w/him as much as possible because you don't want to go back down the rabbit hole again. Keep the conversations to the girls and only respond if it's something you need to respond back to him about. As for the dog...just idle conversation and he wants to keep you on the hook.
You are doing great and I do not want to see you go backwards!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I swear they can feel it across the country once you start to finally move on.
The best you can do is to remind him that a 12 step program is a pretty good place to start.
My ex remains stuck in angry mode (man I wish there had been enough assets for him to give me a lump sum instead of alimony; turns out, since he [censored] at math and taxes, he's been deluding himself into thinking he's been paying 25% of his income in alimony instead of 11%. ).
Frankly I would be horrified if my ex ever did say something like this to me. At this point, for his own sake, I want him to be happy with his own life and stay the heck outta mine. It must be gratifying though to hear him finally admit it was a mistake.
If this is real... IF... he has some big hoops to jump through.
Told him that I have my own life to sort out right now and I appreciate his honesty. Ended the conversation by saying I have work to do and a date tonight.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Ellie, there is some of that. I started to imagine Matt in our life today... Yikes.
For this daily toker, he's not much of a free spirit like I am. I don't know what I think.
I think it was Matt being more honest than I'm accustomed too. It was me, not lecturing and being in a strangely strong place in dealing with him.
Besides that, I don't know. Honestly.
I'm not shutting the door completely. But, I'm also not slowing the train down to allow him a chance to get on. He needs to SHOW me some progress for the train to slow down.
I do, however, see how he has been speaking this language slowly, gradually, for some time and seems to becoming more honest with himself as time moves on.
Still, not sure he is the guy for me. Doesn't really matter at this point, though, not looking for a relationship. Just looking to feel happy again. Feel alive, feel like life is worth living. And, I'm achieving this goal in spades.
He probably senses this. The connection is still there.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Wow, I guess ow is not making Thanksgiving dinner, LOL.
Just like kml said, they must feel it when you are finally settling with your life without them. You are doing great, Heather. You are an inspiration, a light house, and he sees it… I agree with others here, don’t let yourself to get on that rollercoaster again.
I agree with kml, it must feel good to hear the words of regret from him.
I hope you have a fun date, even though you are not looking for a relationship right now .
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
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