OH! And another development. In the last week I have noticed that H is backing me up with the kids and insisting that they be more respectful to me. Little things, like we have a lot of leaves to rake and H will send the kids out to rake, and if they call for me, H will say "Mom always does most of the raking every year, this year the kids do it and Mom gets a break. " Or if a child whines or starts to defy me H will step in right away and say "Do NOT talk to your mother that way." He has NEVER done this before. I mentioned before that every week after H has IC I can pretty much tell you what the IC advised him, because every single week there is a new behavior. I would bet money that she advised him on this one last week, and this week's issue is speaking his feelings no matter how awful they may be.
So this could be a positive thing, if it is just the beginning of H "learning how to talk" and not his final thoughts on our situation. I am going to not react and wait and let it play out. I will watch my reactions extra carefully. I will use my knowledge of his awful perspective on me to help me detach. I do not want to be married to someone who thinks I am an abuser. Really, I don't.
