Calibri, thank you. H just asked me to go to lunch with him. I did, and it was ok. Not great, not tense, quiet though. On the car ride home he told me that he did not think I had BPD, but I had some of the traits. I told him that I read a little this morning and I have reactivity and that is all, but that is something I have made huge strides with and will continue to work on. He told me he was sorry for all the spew. He called it "Yelling at you a few months ago." He said he has been thinking about that more and more lately and he is feeling a lot of remorse about it. (It was extremely bad.)
He said he doesn't know how we can just move on, he will "keep trying" but he doesn't know how that will work. Calibri, he used the exact line your STBX used about "never being able to open his heart because of all the abuse and damage".
And yes, Calibri, I am concerned that even if we do "fix this" that he will crash again in a year or five years, or whenever, and by then I could be well on my way to a new life which might really be my better option. I don't know what to think.
I am not sure if all this talk is leading up to a "good bye" and he is wrapping up loose ends, or if it the start of him opening up to me and breaking his silence and asking to be understood. I will do my best to be a safe place, to listen, to be kind, to not react. There is definitely a shift in his energy and I am not sure what that means.
I will be ok either way. I am hoping this means I will be out of limbo in the near future, whichever way things happen.
