Yeah, amazing, isn't it? The control she still feels she has. In the summer, I'd have whimpered like a dog and rolled over. Not now. She doesn't see anything about me as she is so far in to her dreamworld - the land of entitlement.
The land of entitlement must be a lovely place to be. No house - ask the council; no money - ask the Inland Revenue or Huddy; if it doesn't work - good old Huddy will have me back in a shot. There is an almighty big bucket of sh1te on the way for her. The realisation of what she has done just hasn't hit her.
As I say, if on that moving day, she rolls over and wants to forget it, it's not gonna happen. Seriously, if I just said 'OK', does anybody think that will solve the problem? Will it miraculously make her feel any different about me? No it won't and in three/six/twelve months time we'll be here all over again. It's now a time for reflection. I feel way too hurt and damaged right now and I need a break from the chaos. Yes, that will mean Christmas alone, but I'm not frightened by this. Everybody needs time to let wounds heal. I have two small children who need me to be strong and capable, and that's how it's gonna be.
I went for a meal today with a female friend from work. She's got some exams coming up for a work related qualification, and I was advising her on the best form of study to get the right grade she needs for a promotion. We chatted and had good time for two hours. That's not the important part. What she said was, that over these last eight months she has seen me at the bottom of the hill, and now sees a stronger, fitter, confident Huddy that can take on the challenges ahead. Now, that means something to me (and brings us back to NDY's point) that the changes I have made to myself are tangiable; it's just who is actually taking notice.
Peace fellow DB'ers - we've got this stuff nailed. We can deserve better.
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
If you haven't already read mvg's post. He's on full throttle and has got to where he is in super speed but he's where we are all heading.
Keep it up mate. Proud of you.
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
Time to start sorting out the financials of the move. For our entire relationship, I have dealt with everything, from writing the cheques to paying money in, to sorting out finance. Maybe that is something W feels aggrieved about, but that's how she wanted it. Like most people, we have made some bad financial decisions over the years (buying a lousy car etc.), but, we've always found a way.
Yesterday, I started going through all our papers and dividing things in to piles for each of us. Once I'd finished, I told W that it was all in a box for her. W used this as a time to start making noises about her lack of financial muscle. At first, it was about getting her mail re-directed (in the UK, you can choose to get your mail moved on for Ł30 for 3 months) and I agreed she could have it sent to my new address, and she would pick it up every now and then. She said she didn't know my address (it's written on the calendar in the kitchen) and that she might not 'have anywhere to go'. I validated but said nothing more. W then went for the 'I'm not going to have any money, and I've so much to pay out' line (I've read this in so many sitches on here). Again I validated, but I had pointed this out to her in May and I really can't believe that she hasn't thought about it until now.
Lastly, it appears her 'support network' (Mum, sister, brothers) have let her down. I asked if they were coming to help her move and she said they couldn't, because they were working. Inside me, I wanted to say 'I told you they'd let you down', but I said nothing. It's up to my W to realise that I'm not plan B - I only want to be plan A.
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
Huddy, I'm concerned about your sitch and the imminence of moving day. How long away is it now? And does your W have any place to stay yet? Can she actually afford a place to stay? If she can't, what does that mean for your kids. If you guys had no kids, yes you could leave her to her own devices - but with young kids in the mix I think you need to have confirmed arrangements in place.
My worry is - what will happen when she falls flat on her face? Move to her parents would be my guess and you don't want that to happen. It's in your interests I think for her to have a secure place to stay. If she doesn't have funds, might she get free legal advice then come after you for some support? It concerns me that you have no agreed separation arrangements in place. Who will pay what? How can you both afford to get a place? Who will have then kids when?
I worry that you are facing a S where your kids are not yet provided for on both sides and I do think you need some L advice and that is an urgent priority now. It sounds like your W is in some denial - but I worry that you may be in denial too, and move out date is approaching fast. I can see a case from her stacking up against you - he just put all my bills in a box and didn't seem bothered that me and the kids had nowhere to stay. He just got himself sorted and didn't care about what happened to us and so on.
I actually think it is in your and the kids best interests if you get some arrangements agreed as to how this is actually going to work when you S.
I hope this isn't OTT, but it's been on my mind lately....
Take care
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Sotto does have some valid points but I'm sure you will always put your kids first.
Me49 W45 T15 M13 S11 S8 BD 11/15/11 & 3/27/12 Moved out 4/9/12 Moved back 4/23/12 W working on US 5/20/12 Now Piecing! May-Oct14 drifting Dec 14 W agrees to more QT BD Oct15 ILYBINILWY W filed 1/25/16
