No apologies needed for the post. Mine have been all over the place this week! I'm a bit angsty and anxious at the moment. But all will be well.
I'm a firm advocate of the IC U, I think there is a lot to be said about the better out than in. My sense is that you have contained a lot of your emotion through the last two years, there have not been a lot of safe places to tell your truth of the situation. If nothing else a considered dumping ground is appropriate. I wouldn't like to see you becoming all filled up with toxic waste related to your sitch. It sounds like a health condition waiting for diagnosis if you keep it all in. And yes dear friend we are all hear too, as a place to rid yourself of what is not helpful and throw a little love and adoration your way too!! ;-).
Ah the cheek of the female teenager, taking advantage where they can. I'm not sure how you play that one. I know I would be playing it straight down the line with...."and when did the plans change? and who ran that by me? ". W has a responsibility to say "no sweetheart, if you aren't staying at your friends, you need to go to dad's". But I guess that conversation exists in some idealistic parenting world I have related to me being a social worker. It is a tricky one, as the playing of mum and dad off against each other this age, can leave holes open for at risk behaviour. This time she told you she was at mum's, what about the time she tells you and wife that she is hanging at the other parents place and in fact she is out and about. Personally I would be nipping this one in the bud. Just my opinion and worth little. Hello other parents of teenagers managing this sitch!!!
I'm glad you went with your gut around the Thanksgiving sitch. I feel that things have gotten to the point where you call the shots for you. And for your own sake, keeping yourself in a safe place regarding feelings of bitterness is really super important.
Your words about being "dumb" and this being a "mess" you created, they ring in my ears. The lack of kindness and forgiveness to yourself. Well I know this kind of self abuse. So you f**ked up U. Everyone here did. Don't get stuck in this U, it is really tempting, I know I have set up camp there many times in my life. My experience tells me though that the sooner you forgive yourself the sooner you move forward. You have done amazing things keeping everything going. One day there will come a time to tell the truth of what you did and didn't do. Right now is the priority to forgive yourself for being a bonafide perfectly imperfect human!
In the meantime, you can play Mr DJ in my life,
Norah Jones was my on repeated CD from Jan -June 2004 - I listened to over and over again with I did a social work contract to Pitcairn Island.
Holly Smith is amazing and I have had a girl crush on her since I heard that album. She is super sexy hot!
So I am now off to spend the rest of my Sunday evening listening to your other recommendations.
Catch you on the other side U.
PS: Can't believe I am missing the Chicago Snow!! NZ is waiting for your bro!
