Five Years Ago Today

[tadpole1025]

Thanks KML and HaWho.

Yes, the eyes are VERY different. I'll write more about it below.

Just an update:

I'm ok. Every weekend though, I struggle to get out of the house. That's my biggest issue right now. I've gone from being a fairly major local celebrity to a hermit. I went from one extreme to another. Been fighting with myself for weeks now about going to the zoo. I've been wanting to go for a while now that the weather is nice but just can't do it. I do nothing. Need a social life.

I continue to have a great relationship with my "friend" at work. She says she likes talking to me because she knows I won't judge her or look down on her. She tells me all the time that she "knows she can talk to me." She's amazing but right now, we are just friends. She's always on my FB page. To be honest, she has been burned too and I think she is just a little gun-shy. She's actually the best/coolest friend I have at the moment.

Me - I'm becoming a different person. This has changed me so much. Not that I was a bad person before....I'm just a better person now. I should actually thank XW. I like who I've become and am becoming. I have an enormous amount of compassion for animals and find the greatest joy in the smallest of things. I appreciate everything. Sometimes, even though this hurt like Hell, I think that maybe I was supposed to go through this. It's made me better/stronger.

XW - She has now offered to pay for S29's wedding and it is now going to be held at her house. (GREAT!) I'm not going to worry about it right now though. It is still a year away. But....I can't help but wonder if she is doing this just to get to me.

S29 was over to watch football last weekend. While he was over, he was talking about how much XW has aged. He showed me a picture of her. Wow. I've thought for a while now that she looked different in the eyes and when I looked at the picture, I really noticed it. Unbelievable. They say that your eyes are the window to the soul. If that's true, she has an empty soul. She used to have the prettiest brown eyes. Now, they are empty...black and cold. Does anyone know why this happens to some of them? I mean, it gave me chills. It was like something out of a horror movie. It was like looking at somebody's face that I knew and loved, but the eyes are not hers. Freaky.

Speaking of XW, since she left, she's always made sure to give our sons a birthday card and/or take them to lunch on their birthdays. One of our sons celebrated a birthday at the end of October and another celebrated the first week of November. This year....nothing. Nothing. Matter of fact, she's been fairly quiet lately. I sometimes wonder if she is in the depression or withdrawal stage. It's been 5 years since this mess began so I guess it is possible.

Anyways, that's the latest. Not much going on with me except for my weekly struggles to get out. It [censored]...but....I'm going to keep trying.

Tad