Need Help

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My W never said I was too controlling but her family and friends said I was. But their gripe was I controlled the money so tight that my W couldn't do whatever she wanted when she wanted. Well there is only so much coming in and it has to cover what is going out. My W wasn't interested is working out a budget together so it was left to me. To them anything that would restrict absolute freedom was controlling. They convinced her I was the most evil person ever. Nevermind that I never told my W what she could or couldn't do or who she was friends with or anything like that. I just let her know when we were getting close to the spending limit. The only other item was when my W starts going to college without saying a word to me and I wasn't happy with her taking on a massive debt without any discussion. Yeah, I know, that is way too controlling.

I think the controlling accusation is they want to do whatever they want, when they want and anyone who says no is too controlling. Like little kids not getting their way when they want ice cream 10 minutes before bedtime. When a W, or H, doesn't have to do anything or know anything about the family financial plan then they really don't care what limits there are to spending. That I think is the root of a lot of it. It is very important to plan the family finances together, it will save a lot of problems.

They are, in reality, more free than the LBS who works all day, every day to make things work. My W can quit her job any day she wants, and she has, without feeling a thing since there is still money flowing to the checking account. No consequences from her view. Freedom to do whatever she wants and when I inform her of a limit it's me being too controlling.