She Wants me to leave...no way! 3

[Vanilla]

I do not have any misunderstanding at all.

In addition to the above watch the Chen Lizra TED talk onSeduction is power.

Seduction is attraction, power and the anthesis of persuit. It starts with the other being resistant.

//m.wikihow.com/Learn-the-Art-of-Seduction

It is technique. It's planned spontaneity.

V

[isittoolate]

Hi Vanilla

Yes I have watched Ted talks by Brena Brown, Amy Cuddy, and have got Sean Achor books, also just watched the one by the gaming lady Jane McGonigal. Just watching Chen Lizra

I need an hour or two to think about W goals. I did make a start last night, rubbed small of her back and poked her in ribs as we were teasing each other.

This morning W was going into work late and had time to take boys to school (she misses the school yummy mummy thing as she normally goes to work at 7am). She brought me a cup of tea in bed - this is rare even before BD.

[isittoolate]

W was really grumpy this evening.

A combination of work pressure ( project deadline looming), lack of sleep and on her period, plus the sitch - I think.

Again she took the opportunity to moan about any minor indiscretions, like putting laundry in the wrong pile, b****ing about my family, traffic jams etc. I kept out the way and later she apologised .

We talked some more about Xmas - it's looks like are plans are more or less settled.

Tomorrow we have parents evening for S11.

[isittoolate]

This morning:

W again was going into work later than normal and I am working from home.

So I let her do wake up and breakfast for S11 and take him to the railway station (she likes to do it as it is a rare for her to do the schoolrun mummy thing),

Again she brought me a cup of tea in bed! I smiled and said thanks and she said 'Well I couldn't just make one for myself' I took a STFU smoothie and thought Err I beg to differ you rarely make a cup of tea for me at all, and in bed ....hardly ever.

I then helped out with S8, breakfast etc

I then said I was going out (I like to go for a coffee and read the newspapers....one of my NUTS is to take 30-60 mins me time a day to relax)
She said 'Where are u going' 'Why do you go out so early in the morning?''Where do you go?'

I gave a non-committal answer and just said 'to the shops'. Bye.

Tonight we are going to S11 parents evening with S11

[isittoolate]

W is a bit skittish at the moment.

Yesterday we want to S11 parents evening at school with S11.

Later we had a mini fight which I started after me getting p1ssed off with small niggly comments she has been making to me about various aspects of ordinary family life and my family.

its her tone of voice, exasperation, impatience, tutting, and voicing old complaints about things the boys do (I.e. All the men/boys in the house), and complaining about my family.

Petty stuff like recycling incorrectly, leaving lights on, doors open, s11 losing his gym shorts and me not noticing even though I did the laundry ffs!

Also my family , at Xmas, ' they don't give a '[censored] about us' . My sister is asking what presents to buy our kids, W hates this and thinks it's lazy of my sister

Anyway I got fed up and confronted her, she huffed off out the room, I regretted it as I should have taken a STFU smoothie.

I apologised, then left her alone, but also displayed that 'I had got over it' - in the past I would have sulked for a bit at least.

20 mins later she called me back to discuss s11s scouts weekend, she said I was overreacting, oversensitive, I validated and said I couldn't control my families Xmas arrangements. (NB my family is spread over UK and my sister has decided to have a quiet Xmas day as her H is working)

Things then went ok for the rest of the evening.

At the same time she is making me cups of tea in bed (3 times this week)!) and today rang me from her car - for a convo about kids which wasn't really necessary. She liked my posts on FB.

Then later she has gone out of her way to organise my s11 to get a lift from another parent to scout camp - this is saving me a 2 hour drive tonight. Ben though in the telephone call I said I was happy to do the 2 hour drive as I would get some QT with S11 in the car.

Next week I am away from home Monday to Friday. It will be good to get a break from her, but I will miss the kids

[sandi2]

its her tone of voice, exasperation, impatience, tutting, and voicing old complaints about things the boys do (I.e. All the men/boys in the house), and complaining about my family.

When are you going to make a boundary about this ^^^?

[isittoolate]

Hi Sandi2

Next time it happens I will. I will set a boundary ' I will not listen to you speak to me in that disrespectful manner, especially in front of the children. If it continues I will get up and walk away.

She can justify the above 'complaints' by saying it's not about me exclusively and it's stuff she has complained about for years. Like leaving the toilet seat up

All petty minor stuff. Her biggest gripe is the Xmas arrangements with my sister and frankly I agree with her, but I have always been sensitive to her criticism of my family, mainly because I feel impotent to change my family. Since my mother died, links with my family have reduced. Partly that is my fault as W had requested that we do more stuff with my family.

[sandi2]

I will not listen to you speak to me in that disrespectful manner, especially in front of the children. If it continues I will get up and walk away.

Maybe you need to take the children with you, when you walk away from her disrespecting you in front of them. IDK, but I don't see much consequences for her, and she'll probably just spout off more in front of the kids after you leave. What could you do that would have stronger consequences?

Sometimes there isn't a lot of choices, except to walk away. However, if you walk away from her in everything she does......it could be seen that you are weak and are just avoiding conflict. There are times you just have to take the kids to another room, and then stand up to your W. Make sense?

I tried once to give a suggestion about a very unruly WW, and it came across as being seen too physical, so I am a little leary about suggestions. My H and my father could do more with their tone of voice and attitude than anything else. I have observed men over the years when dealing with people (especially women) and using the right tone of authority, usually is effective. It doesn't work if he doesn't have the confidence to go with it.

She can justify the above 'complaints' by saying it's not about me exclusively and it's stuff she has complained about for years.

Doesn't matter. Her justifications are not valid. She knows you'll tolerate it, and that's why she does it. I bet she wouldn't talk to other people the way she talks to you.

Like leaving the toilet seat up

I never understood the big deal about leaving the toilet seat up. I figured I could put it back down as easy as he could. If she ever uses a restroom for both men & women, I bet she'll have to put it down herself.

[isittoolate]

Sandi

I will monitor it daily. It only started a couple of days ago, she is definitely perimenopausal and on her period and will contrast the grumpiness with ' do you want to watch TV together' ' come talk to me in the kitchen' '- making me cups of tea''
Today going out of her way to make my life easier by changing child pickup arrangements so I don't have to drive 2 hours tonight - I've already done 6 hours driving today.

[isittoolate]

A bit of a GAL weekend for me.

Going to London tomorrow to a cycling exhibition with a friend - I'll be away 8-6 or maybe later if I have a drink on the way home

Then Sunday either cycling in the morning 8-12 or a morning in the gym 9-12.

One S is away scouting until Sunday, the other will be with W except a kids party he is going to on Sunday. I'll see him Sunday afternoon for playtime and I'll probably do some decorating in S11 bedroom.

As for W ? Who cares?