"Going Dark" - 101

[JGuy]

I finally just got around to reading this topic and I'd like to thank JJ for sharing these ideas. I think the following may apply to me and my sitch:

Going dark could also fall into the "do nothing" category. If you were the type of person that always had to be involved in everything, either fixing, directing, or controlling the situation, then staying out of direct contact with your partner can help you to do a "180" on this situation. You are essentially "dropping the rope" to let others handle the situation without your interference.

Going dark can take you out of the chaos long enough to "take stock" of where you are versus where you were, and compared to where you want to go.

Going dark can be a form of "stop going down cheeseless tunnels". If you persist on running through the maze blindly, you may need to take yourself out of the picture until you can "sniff out" the tunnel you need to head down. (Humm, do I want the cheddar or the swiss?!)

Going dark can help you to "start with a beginner's mind". If you can take a step back back, far away from being in the middle of the situation, you can often begin to see things with a fresh eye, a "beginner's mind", and get a clearer view of where you need to head. We've seen this by the way others on this board can often view our situations with a clearer mind then we can.

I'm not sure about fully dark, but some shade of grey that is darker than how I have been so far does seem like it might be a good idea at this point in my sitch. I have always been the fixer and the pursuer. My W has recently come clean about past A's and is trying to figure out what her heart wants now after hiding that she wasn't attracted to me anymore since 2011. It seems like going dark would be good to just let her figure out what she wants while I focus on myself. I do hesitate a bit, because I worry that if I go dark she may forget about our emotional connection and that may sway her toward choosing to end the M. My emotions are all tangled up in her and I am a bit co-dependent though, so in some ways going dark may be good just for me.

Thanks for sharing this...