Good morning. I have been posting a lot this week. Thank you for bearing with me, this week has been a very introspective time for me and I am learning a lot. I thought I'd start this thread with things I have learned. Please add if there is anything you have learned.
I have learned that the Affair and the ensuing months of spew was not about me at all, in any way. I have no responsibility for that.
I have learned that I can STFU and listen. And not react.
I do not have the need to be right.
I have learned to consult my plan, not my feelings.
I have learned that damage done in childhood can manifest in very dysfunctional ways as adults, even when it appears that the adult has "moved on", it is lurking and waiting to come out. I am using this lesson to try to really listen to my children and build resiliency in them, so they can be the best adults they can be.
I am a lot stronger than I ever thought possible.
I have learned not to dismiss my H's perspective as "crazy" (even when it is) because that is HIS perspective and very real to him. Facts don't matter when it comes to what someone is experiencing as their truth. It is ok to listen and to "understand" without agreeing. Not only is it ok, but it is loving and healthy.
It is ok and normal to feel sad, angry, lonely, heartbroken. Those feelings will not kill me and do not need to be avoided, medicated, hidden, run from. It is ok.
I have learned not to judge a person who is in crisis. No matter how badly they are behaving.
I am in the process of learning that I will be ok even if my marriage doesn't survive. I will still be lovable and capable of love and I will be ok.
I have also learned that it is very very hard for me to detach. I am working on that one.
I have learned that I cannot carry a tune or hit a note even after 3 months of singing lessons but I am having fun and doing it for the joy of it. I will let you all know when I go on tour! I have also learned that I needed an outlet, something fun, something just for me.
I also have learned that there are people out there who are kind, compassionate, loving friends, people who I will never meet in person, but who are capable of holding me up and caring for me better than I would have thought possible. I love you and I thank you all. If it weren't for this board, I am pretty sure I'd be divorced, on anti-depressants, and crying all of the time. (OK I am still crying a lot.) Thank you. There are so many good people out there. Thank you all.
