Thanks for the encouragement everyone. I hadn't thought of joining a running club. I'll look into it. Sotto, it was a nice cologne. Work colleagues have commented how great it smells😊 and they are helping find a cookery course. Still centering on me and S
Got a surprise call from W last night. She wanted to come by and collect a few things. S was out training so I said yes. In and out in less than 10 minutes. I had incense and candles on as I like to relax after work. She said "expecting anyone" in a jokey way I just smiled wistfully. Collected a few things. I didn't make too much conversation. She looked a little sad behind the smile all the time. I said it felt weird having her visit. She asked if it was bad. I said no strange. She commented that the house is tidier without her. I smiled when she said now I had space. It was obvious I wanted her to go as I didn't invite her for a drink and closed S's door when she looked in. She complained again about him only seeing her for 5 minutes in the car. I said I wasn't going to repeat the same conversation again. She hopes he changes. We kissed two or three times.as she left. I started this time but she was fine. I could have carried on but stopped myself. When she got to the elevator door she turned and blew a kiss. Worst part is that she looked great in a red dress. Hated seeing her go, would have loved her to stay. Still feel everything for her. She seems like she wants to be around me but what can I do? Nothing. I felt a bit down after holding her in my arms and feeling a warm kiss. I'll enjoy the sensation and shake off the blues. I'll carry on not contacting her and living the best I can. I know she is never going to disappear but I'll wait and try to keep control of the situation. Who knows what the future holds? I can only look after me and S.
Scrant - what training does S do? Can you join him occasionally? Maybe not cramp his style but it gets u out and is good old male bonding.
I wish I could kiss my W, even if I got the blues afterwards. Everyday is a rollercoaster of emotions. I want to move on to find love again, I don't feel I've been properly loved for a long time, I've given a lot for very little reward. But I love her so so much.
I'm starting to look at W with less rose tiinted glasses, even her beauty is starting to fade in my eyes. These are hardest days of my life.
Last edited by isittoolate; 11/20/1508:09 AM.
Me49 W45 T15 M13 S11 S8 BD 11/15/11 & 3/27/12 Moved out 4/9/12 Moved back 4/23/12 W working on US 5/20/12 Now Piecing! May-Oct14 drifting Dec 14 W agrees to more QT BD Oct15 ILYBINILWY W filed 1/25/16
Hi Scrant, I would really give this kissing and hugging some thought. For me, it was an absolute boundary that if H was with an OP (which he was) we would not have any sort of romantic R. He did not get to be romantic with me while sleeping with someone else. He wanted to be and told me and I told him that wasn't going to happen. It was a simple equation for me - R w OW = No R w me.
It sounds as though your W does get to be romantic with you while she is sleeping with someone else. Why not enforce a healthy boundary for yourself? Kissing and hugging is not going to help you detach and it is not going to 'love' her back into the M if she is with OM.
I think if you apply the 'would I do this with a friend?' rule on the kissing and hugging, you can't go too far wrong.
Last edited by Sotto; 11/20/1508:13 AM.
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Thanks for all your comments. His training is for basketball. I'm not worried about R with S. We get on great. Sotto I understand your thinking if we saw each other every day I think I would have to pull back more. At the moment the contact is usually brief, once a week.I'm under no illusions about what shedoes with OM. I don't ask about her new life.She just likes to know about S and me, what we are doing. We don't talk about R. I certainly don't say I love you either. I'm trying to detach the rest of the time. Today ran 7 miles before breakfast. Tomorrow the Opera! Isittoolate I hope things get better for you.
Hi Scrant, I'll make one last comment and then stop bugging you...it's always up to you of course and all this is JMHO. Plus, I'm no vet of course.
I don't think the frequency and length of the contact is that much of a factor. I think the central point is being willing to kiss and hug your W in all present circumstances. I don't believe that helps the cause of saving your M. I believe every time you kiss and hug, your W will believe you are 'on the hook' and happily go off and carry on life with OM - assured you will be there as plan B, should things not work out.
I think it is this 'entitlement' you are seeking to undercut - by making her doubt that you will actually be there. What if the next time she moved in for a kiss and a hug, you gave her a brief grandma hug and a peck on the cheek, then pulled away? If she then says - don't you want a kiss? You could reply - Not any more. Not if you're involved with someone else - that doesn't work for me. Strong, brief, pull away and close the door.
I think your own desperation to feel close to your W isn't helping your cause. I hope I don't offend and I'm truly trying to help - but I'll leave it alone now unless you want to discuss further.
Take care my friend
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Me49 W45 T15 M13 S11 S8 BD 11/15/11 & 3/27/12 Moved out 4/9/12 Moved back 4/23/12 W working on US 5/20/12 Now Piecing! May-Oct14 drifting Dec 14 W agrees to more QT BD Oct15 ILYBINILWY W filed 1/25/16
Sotto. Thanks for all your advice. I love to hear from you. You don't offend at all. I'll give it a try. It might surprise at least. She texted me today to ask a question about a tv series we used to watch together. I waited a few hours before simply replying yes. It made realize later that she has plenty of time alone as OM doesn't watch tv in English with her and arrives home late. She fills her none working time with courses, beauty treatments and yoga. Tomorrow she'll text for S's basketball result and then I shouldn't hear from her for a while as she has to spend some time with him!
I wish I could kiss my W, even if I got the blues afterwards. Everyday is a rollercoaster of emotions. I want to move on to find love again, I don't feel I've been properly loved for a long time, I've given a lot for very little reward. But I love her so so much.
Right there with you, isittoolate, although I haven't reached the move on stage yet. Those damn roller coasters and no way to get off of them.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Count me in that same ride spiff and isittoolate. I'm passed the get me off I want to throw up part of it but I still have not reached the loading station.
