do nothing or what

[roist]

I have been focusing so hard on my self improvement plan and associated actions. That is going relatively well. I'll post about that in my old thread when I get the chance.

This thread is to ask advice ( yet again) about my struggle with an inappropriate friendship. I feel myself being drawn towards an inevitable confrontation with my W. It just feels the right thing to do. But often what we feel is the right thing and what we feel obliged to do are usually counter productive.i

I believe it is an EA at least for my W. Him I don't think so but he is not important. It could v well be, that they are just good friends. I am fairly sure they have not m meeto alone in months, they text less than before....... so why am I so bugged by this friendship.

I can handle a SSM, I can put up with unmet needs.but I am not sure I can "do nothing". I think it is an EA because she turns to her m with her problems and emotional support. Communications are usually within the limits of friendships but sometimes W's are borderline without crossing it.

My w seems to initiate more than him and she is often the one looking to chat. Several tines she has met him but was surprised by someone else being there too. This happened a few times. He seems often to be not available to meet and has canceled last minute several times. By meet I mean for tea or coffee.

Doing nothing makes sense in that it I am almost sure it will not develope. This gives. me time to work on me and to be better financially for the sake of children. Plus I fully understand that the issue isbetween me and W.

However setting a nc boundary feels right. I have already said I will not be in a R with someone in another R. W and I will surely not agree on this constituting a R. I am not 100% sure myself. I am not the same man I was a year ago when I first became uncomfortable with this friend. I now do not fear either my W or losing my M. I still want to save my M more than anything.

Apart from the obvious reasons and regaining respect etc I have another reason I like this idea. But I don't think it is good because it is controlling. That reason is that if W chooses friend over M, that will be a known fact afterwards. Is it wrong to want to he able to say I set a boundary and she chose not to respect it even to detriment of M. I am not sure if I want to hang this on W or if I just want to make a stand.

For the most part I am doing good but every now and again this hits me like a sledge hammer. Please give opinions even if already stated previously.
A nc boundary could be what I give to my W to celebrate our 20th anniversary together!!

I really need help today.