Got a surprise call from W last night. She wanted to come by and collect a few things. S was out training so I said yes. In and out in less than 10 minutes. I had incense and candles on as I like to relax after work. She said "expecting anyone" in a jokey way I just smiled wistfully. Collected a few things. I didn't make too much conversation. She looked a little sad behind the smile all the time. I said it felt weird having her visit. She asked if it was bad. I said no strange. She commented that the house is tidier without her. I smiled when she said now I had space. It was obvious I wanted her to go as I didn't invite her for a drink and closed S's door when she looked in. She complained again about him only seeing her for 5 minutes in the car. I said I wasn't going to repeat the same conversation again. She hopes he changes. We kissed two or three times.as she left. I started this time but she was fine. I could have carried on but stopped myself. When she got to the elevator door she turned and blew a kiss. Worst part is that she looked great in a red dress. Hated seeing her go, would have loved her to stay. Still feel everything for her. She seems like she wants to be around me but what can I do? Nothing. I felt a bit down after holding her in my arms and feeling a warm kiss. I'll enjoy the sensation and shake off the blues. I'll carry on not contacting her and living the best I can. I know she is never going to disappear but I'll wait and try to keep control of the situation. Who knows what the future holds? I can only look after me and S.
