Sorry ghost, I understand that pain and fear you're going through right now. You know the answers to most those questions already so we can skip it. Read your signature again and push through the urge to contact her. The things you fear won't be as bad as you think, if they happen. But letting those fears control you now will likely just contribute to them happening.
Keep going ghost, keep improving you, keep working on you. Let W live her life while you live yours and let things play out.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
