Adventures of PP, Woofie, and the WAW (9)

[asitis]

Old Thread:


My WAW has become more and more open now that the D has been filed for, and I'm still hard at work becoming PP 2.0, and a man only a fool would leave. The changes are still coming so I'm grateful for the time allotted.

Dog swap got postponed for another two weeks due to some travel that both my W and I are taking (separately), so I won't have the opportunity to see her for a little while longer.

Although there is light in my sitch, I'm still preparing for D and believe it is the most likely outcome here. Will DB to make sure that my next relationship has the highest chance of success possible and to learn as much as I can through the end of this relationship.

Not a day goes by, not an hour goes by to be honest, that I don't think of my WAW, miss her, and wish she were a part of my life. I believe she is on a powerful journey of her own.

Cheers,

PP

Yep. Yep. And yep. my W is much warmer, open, & considerate. We're even doing Thanksgiving together (she initiated & I extended the invitation to be gracious host).

D process is proceeding. While some of it is relaxing because she is getting what she wants, some is clearly that I'm putting her and our (as a R) ahead of my wants. I can see that her narrative about her being subordinate in our M is only accurate when you are really selective about how you look at it, but she can see that I'm caring and giving for her happiness in a way that can't possibly be a trick to get her back. That is disarming. I suspect you are getting some of that. Where that leads is anyone's guess.

I have a meeting w/ my likely lawyer next Wed. We're signing up to take the kids in the middle class, I've promised to gather a lot of the financial records together over Thanksgiving break, and we will likely meet together with our Ls in mid December. And yet, we ran into each other coming out of a campus dialogue on discrimination and she stopped to talk for 10 minutes in the windy cold before I said I had to get back to the boys to let the babysitter go. I came home this afternoon to the apartment to turn in my lease renewal paperwork (which she is still on) and pick up some packages. She was here with the boys, because they wanted to play over here (I didn't even say, you really should ask my permission before coming over and letting yourself in - just great, gotta get back to turn an assignment in & I'll probably see you at the campus dialogue). And we're planning a fun Turkey day dinner for f*ck's sake. Yet no sign that she isn't determined to plow through for D.

And, while so many people have commented that I'm so detached and not focused on my W, not an hour goes by when she doesn't enter my thoughts. Not a day goes by when I don't think about how much I still love her and want to be with her. Detachment has allowed me to relax into being able to open up to this again without it tearing me apart. I've got several women wanting to go out with me via online dating sites, some of whom are very attractive & likely nice. I can't take that step. It just confirms that I still adore my W and want to be w/ her. I will move on from that place, but if anything I think about her more now than I did 3 or 6 months ago. It just doesn't hurt much now.

I see a lot of parallel in where we are (- the kids as an extra incentive in my case), and I'm not writing either of our M's off in the long run. Sure, both our W's seem to be headed on a determined course for D. They may even need this and for both we & they to date other people again before they are open to the pull we have on each other. But the pull is still there. We recognize that we really do deserve someone like the other, deep down in our hearts - I really don't think I'm deceiving myself on this - we are too good a partner for them not to recognize this at some level. But the reality is, they have a number of issues that will potentially prevent from allowing themselves to open up to this. Patience, and being willing to be open on our end, even after we have both us & our Ws have had other lovers. To be able to get past the pain of that - betrayal is too strong a word - wound is something that may make or break the R in the long run. I hope I can handle that as I have handled the D. I hope that I am able to rebuild with the person I really see as my life partner, despite all the pain and heartache she has triggered in the last year and a half.

Just keep on. You've got a realistic perspective, and still are doing the right thing by you, her, and your R. That's all you can do, but it is a whole heck of a lot.