"I asked you for it before, and I have to think about me"
I wouldn't apologize, justify, or explain in any way. Just inform. Wouldn't even explain why I was informing (I thought you should know...) as that's all implied, and he'd just sneer. He won't like it. Doesn't matter. Just "FYI- I filed some paperwork with the courts including a request for child support."
There's no way he's going to like it so don't worry about trying. And there's no way he's going to not take it poorly so the best you can do is use as few words as possible so there's less he can twist around.
As for R, unfortunately it is a long shot for all of us, and you're right, the D process isn't very bonding. It's true that he might use this as proof that you're the devil. On the other hand it might be upsetting to him at a profound level as well and it could be the consequence that alerts him that he could lose you forever and that it's not all rainbows and unicorns. Don't get me wrong, I'm pessimistic about everyone's marriage from working out these days, and I don't know that hope is particularly useful. I'm in the camp of giving up hope for R and simply being the best person you can be for you. Learning from your mistakes is part of that. And while I've been pretty quiet lately I will say that I've been following your sitch and you're doing amazing.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
