Thanks for the support and advice. I do trust my L. She really was not phased by the encounter and now with a few days to ponder over it, I am again moving forward.
There are some minor cracks starting to show at work. It is hard to be fully here when I have to look for a house, meet with Ls, call appraisers, figure out my expenses with my financial adviser, see psychologist(s), and leave work earlier every day. Fortunately, I had a long frank chat with my boss about my sitch and he has been very supportive.
I call it the overburden phase, just nose to the grindstone. Get it done, it's doable and you can do it. It's an action list, chunk it down.
Been there and worn the t-shirt. It's important to focus and I am glad your boss is supportive.
Please take great care of your health and get some rest, if you read my thread you will see that RD was always encouraging me to rest and take care of myself.
It will be over as each action is completed. It's just a phase, come here and have a good old grumble about it and let me offer you great big snugly warm
Hugs
V
Last edited by Vanilla; 11/16/1510:58 PM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
I finished the work day in much better shape than when I started it. Got a ton of work done. Still a bit of an uphill battle, and I neglected alot of the work needed for D, but there is hope.
Every time i get any correspondence from my W of her L, I am out of commission for hours. I am so shocked at how entitled my W behaves. Her L is a belligerent son-of-a-B---h. They are very disrespectful. They want me out of the house "immediately" and they want the house for free. No timeline, no nothing. If I don't comply, they are going to file for D. He even has the gall to say that going to court is going to be costly and divert more funds away from my children. It's legal blackmail.
I still can't believe it has come to this. What happened to my W? Where does all this resentment come from. Nothing really changed with this email. I think it is just meant to make me look like the disagreeable one. I am trying to keep a smile on my face and get back to work. Still, I am sad. I am very fearful of the what-ifs...even though I have no control over them. I sometimes feel like I am lacking the resources to rise above it.
Rai, I think these are bullying tactics. Please rely on your own L to offer support and act in the best interests of you and the kids. Don't be emotionally blackmailed by some L with these heavy handed tactics. Do you know what kind of separation arrangements are likely to be deemed fair?
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
They are nasty tactics, consult your L. My WH says similar stuff, it's rubbish and its all they have. Whatever happens YOU are the more stable parent for your kids and RAI you have whatever hugs and strength that you would like from me.
Do not respond, do not even dignify this with anything. Just pass it along to L. Have you considered L first? Discuss with you L if you need a preemptive, asking WW to pay costs.
Your WW is sinking fast. Let it happen.
You are the more stable parent for your kids, the longer you hold out, the stronger those turrets and barricades the better.
Hang on, this is a nasty divorce L, probably no win no fee. If it is no win no fee then a preemptive might work.
Hugs and mega hugs
Here for you hon, and once again I support Sottos view
V
Last edited by Vanilla; 11/20/1501:14 AM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
RAI- Take comfort in the fact that if they are resorting to cheap threats - they must not have anything more meaningful to work with.
Are these communications going to your lawyer first - or are they sending them directly to you? If they are not doing so already - have them send all correspondence to your lawyer - that will spare you some of this.
For what it's worth - it doesn't sound like there is anything new here. It sounds to me like she is seeking out a lawyer who tells her what she wants to hear. That's probably good for you.
Shake it off as best as you can (easier said than done) and get back to focusing on work and the kids.
Raliced and V, Thanks for putting everything into perspective. I read your posts last night exactly at a time when I needed it. The contents of our posts, coupled with the knowledge that my DB sisters have my back was so meaningful and helpful. I hope I am blessed with hindsight so I may pay it forward - and soon. Now that I have the clarity of day and your insights, I am ready to tackle another day at work.
This morning I broke another rule: trying to set an unenforceable boundary. W wants to have elective surgery. She wants the ILs who have been very hostile towards me and are bankrolling her, to come stay in our house. I don't know why she needs to have the surgery now. She claims that our deductible has already been met. I told her that they are hostile and support her extramarital relationship and I really don't want them in my house. the problem is I don't see how I can enforce it. I am amazed at how many mistakes I can make every time I open my mouth - and it happens every time I think with my heart: I told her how sick I am of covering up her indiscretions and I am tired of protecting her. I told her perhaps I should tell the children. I said she should appreciate just how long I have been covering up for her. I would not be surprised if she sees that as a threat - even though I would never say anything that would harm my children. I just cannot have a conversation with her without it turning contentious.
Originally Posted By: raliced
Are these communications going to your lawyer first - or are they sending them directly to you? If they are not doing so already - have them send all correspondence to your lawyer - that will spare you some of this.
Yes, they are going through my lawyer.
Originally Posted By: Vanilla
Have you considered L first?
I assume you meant filing first? Yes, I have, but I am not going to file for the following reason. My L said in our state it does not make a difference who filed first. Also, when the time comes and my children inquire, I want them to know that it was my WW who was driving the process the whole time.
Originally Posted By: Sotto
Do you know what kind of separation arrangements are likely to be deemed fair?
I think the courts favor a 50/50 split and 50/50 custody, unless there is reason to consider otherwise.
