Yeah, amazing, isn't it? The control she still feels she has. In the summer, I'd have whimpered like a dog and rolled over. Not now. She doesn't see anything about me as she is so far in to her dreamworld - the land of entitlement.
The land of entitlement must be a lovely place to be. No house - ask the council; no money - ask the Inland Revenue or Huddy; if it doesn't work - good old Huddy will have me back in a shot. There is an almighty big bucket of sh1te on the way for her. The realisation of what she has done just hasn't hit her.
As I say, if on that moving day, she rolls over and wants to forget it, it's not gonna happen. Seriously, if I just said 'OK', does anybody think that will solve the problem? Will it miraculously make her feel any different about me? No it won't and in three/six/twelve months time we'll be here all over again. It's now a time for reflection. I feel way too hurt and damaged right now and I need a break from the chaos. Yes, that will mean Christmas alone, but I'm not frightened by this. Everybody needs time to let wounds heal. I have two small children who need me to be strong and capable, and that's how it's gonna be.
I went for a meal today with a female friend from work. She's got some exams coming up for a work related qualification, and I was advising her on the best form of study to get the right grade she needs for a promotion. We chatted and had good time for two hours. That's not the important part. What she said was, that over these last eight months she has seen me at the bottom of the hill, and now sees a stronger, fitter, confident Huddy that can take on the challenges ahead. Now, that means something to me (and brings us back to NDY's point) that the changes I have made to myself are tangiable; it's just who is actually taking notice.
Peace fellow DB'ers - we've got this stuff nailed. We can deserve better.
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
