Wayward Wife, my addiction, advice needed

[gs9]

Trumpet,
Just catching up on your sitch. As others have said you have found a great place to vent and get advice. Be sure to follow the advice of the vets on here.

The EA might or might not be going on

Don't believe anything she says and only half of what she does. If you do not have consistent proof of it ending (ie access to all social media) then it is most likely going on. Also, if she visited OM and confessed to EA it would safe to assume there is more to it and she is not being truthful. The WW is not the woman you married. The WW is very selfish and manipulative.

While she wants to 'see what happens', her efforts so far leave a lot to be desired. Ugh, so hard to accept - I'm the one that was cheated on, and now I'm doing all the work.

it is very hard bc you will be the one doing all the work. She does not care about the M. But the great thing is that the way you'll work on the M is by bettering yourself. Becoming the man only a fool would leave. This doesn't mean becoming super H but correcting the issues you know are wrong in you.

The next minute she'll kick off a sarcastic remark (grew up extremely sarcastic) that is meant to inflict harm on me. I've tried to remain silent, or asking 'was that comment was meant to hurt me?' or telling her 'those words hurt', but her apologies after the fact are half-hearted and insulting. She's become a boss at her workplace in the last 6 months too, so a lot more demands on her time have made a change in her

Are wives are very similar. If we remain silent you are showing her that this type of behavior is acceptable. You have to set boundaries and maintain them. In my sitch after my WW made a sarcastic or hateful comment I told her " I will not tolerate you or anyone else speaking to me in this manner. My part of this conversation is over." I then left the room. The hard part is maintaining this boundary. I have had to on several occasions tell her "I will not be spoken to like this" and leave the room. She has followed me several times. I go to the office and put in my headphones. Then I go about my business as if she isn't even there. The disrespect has decreased. I've even received a couple apologies which stunned me! It may not save our M but at the very least I longer have to tolerate the verbal abuse. She knows I will not stand and let her disrespect me. A woman can not love a man she does not respect.

Wife made a strange comment - she's noticed I haven't slept in the bed for 4 days - and made me know that she's counting

Don't worry about this. She is going to make all kinds of crazy comments. WW are running on pure emotion and are not able to think rationally.

What does a good NC letter look like?

Personally, I think a phone call is better. Of course on speaker phone with you standing right there.

I'm in another room, reading my Bible or another marriage/self-help book

I may avoid reading the M books in front of her. She will probably think it's an act or you're trying to manipulate her. I get up before everyone else and spend quiet time in my office reading the bible and praying. I've been doing this consistently for 18 months. My WW knows I do it and that she is welcome to join me anytime.

At this first meeting, I need to set a boundary on NC with OM

I don't know that this boundary can come from you. She knows this would be unacceptable to you. Plus she will not hear anything you have to say. Save your words. If she wants help you are not going to be able to help her. It will have to come from the pastor.

Hang in there. Post here often. Ask for advice here before you do anything. There are many on this board who have gone through exactly what you are going through. In order for anyone to change there must be pain. Pain causes change. You have felt pain and know you are making lifetime changes. She is going to need to feel the same level of pain or loss before she's going to change.

Be the best Trumpet you can be. Not the best H. The best Trumpet.