Things are still going well over here, not perfect of course, but I’m quite satisfied with where we are.
We don’t discuss the marriage… I figure actions speak louder than words, and all actions point to full commitment on both ends. Since we’re both “in”, it’s up to us to work things out to our satisfaction, and I think we are both doing that as we continue to share our lives together. Talking, sharing household duties and family stuff, going places and doing nice things for each other. The comfort level between us continues to build. Like Martha likes to say, It's a good thing!
I’ve been enjoying my hobbies and exercise activities, and doing projects around the house. My wife is a part of the latter, and we make a great team. She also has been steady with her workouts, and staying in good physical shape. I won’t lie, the fact that I still find her incredibly beautiful has helped me a lot!
I still occasionally hear my wife singing variations of her “I hate me/everyone/everything” song when she is in the other room. I found it best to ignore this and allow her to deal with her stuff in her own way. Early on, I would comment and end up trying to convince her things really aren’t that bad… That never worked. I think it’s better to let her process happen on her own terms, in its own time, vs. trying to speed things along with talks or pushing to work on or “fix” things. I tried too hard in the beginning... now I accept. Who would have known it works better this way?
My wife also still stresses over her job at times. Our finances are in excellent shape, yet she sometimes stresses over that too!
I do still hear an occasional hurtful comment. I know it’s not intended to hurt me, it’s just how she feels at the moment, and I can accept that.
I just continue being me. Long gone is the tension of the early days of crisis. There was no flipped switch, it just slowly melted away. It’s hard to believe it’s been almost 4 years! Gosh this stuff takes a long time to get through! I have a lot of hope for our future… now even more than ever.
Oh, and the physical intimacy that took a big jump forward back in June has been steady. Still modest, but it’s very special to me. I’m so glad I found a way to hold on until things got better. DB and many of you here are a big reason for that. Thank you all.
I can tell you first hand that it’s true what the vets tell us: It’s mostly not about us or the marriage, it’s about their personal issues. As such we can’t fix things. The best thing we can do is NOT take anything personal, and figure out how to live an enjoyable and satisfying life while they Shake and Bake. (and I helped!) hahaha
Bust On my friends!
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
