Please help!

[Dawgs]

Hi Focus22! Hope you don't mind me stepping in on part of your post but maybe I can shed some light on one of your questions.

Does the affair partner (the OW) not feel some level of insecurity?

I mean, if a married man was willing to enter into a secret closeness with someone that wasn't his partner, and in that betray his partner of 15 years, would the OW not think/imagine/worry that the same might happen to her at some point?

Honestly, I think that a person who becomes the affair partner has insecurity issues to begin with, at the least. But they do have some emotional issues they feel that is fulfilled by that person. I also think that they fully believe (only those who actually develop some feelings) that the leopard can change its spots. And there are some that just don't care at all.

Let me relate a story about a friend of mine that happened around 15 years ago. Please bear with me for a bit while I attempt to explain this. We were roommates at the time and lived in a small subdivision. In the next subdivision (literally a five minute walk) there lived a married woman whose husband went to another state for job purposes and also to build a new house for their family (they had two young daughters). So for roughly a period between six months to a year, he lived up there while she stayed down here with her children and he would come back a few times a month. Also, keep in mind that we had mutual friends (the married couple and me and the roommate) who lived a few houses down. Almost daily he would walk over to her house after the kids went to bed with the exception of when the husband would come home. He was convinced that she was going to leave her husband and they would be married - only that never happened. After the house was completed, the husband came back for about a week to get the family and do the friend goodbye thing. During that time, my friend and her had one last "night" in a hotel where she told him she didn't know if she were cheating on him or her husband. That really messed my friend up. Fast forward a almost a year, and after talking by phone almost nightly with her - and a visit or two when they would come down on holidays - she told him that she was getting divorced. My friend was elated - and I mean elated! Come to find out, she met someone else up there had another affair and got caught. The woman told my friend it was a very nasty divorce and to not contact her at all. Come to find out, the husband knew of him, also, but never contacted him. Guess what happened to the woman? She married the man she had the second affair with - and he is very rich, if that tells you something.

My friend ended up meeting an awesome woman and moving across country with her. They have kids and are doing great. I don't talk to him all that much, but I knew at the time he really had insecurity issues and looked for love wherever he could find it, even if it was destructive.

Fast forward present times. I saw the mutual friend (who lived a few houses down from us back then) a few weeks ago at the gym. We talked about things and the topic came up of my roommate and the woman. Come to find out, him and his wife knew something was going on but never told the husband until after they moved (and he asked questions). Also, the woman had a little girl less than a year later who he swears looks just like my roommate. We had a long discussion about that. I told him I thought it wasn't right many times during the affair, but he wouldn't listen. He was in love. But he never knew that she was a serial cheater and he thought that he could change her.