Back on these forums again 3

[Mona52]

I had a bad night that led to a terrible morning.

I could not sleep at all last night. I kept tossing and turning, and every one of you know how annoying it is. I worried about everything you could possibly imagine, repeatedly.

Yes, I worried about my H, but it was more than that, and it was a clear message about what I need to do for my GAL activities to make me feel better.

The first thing I was tossing and turning over was the house. We moved, and are living with my mom, but I am still paying rent on that empty house. Because it is not yet empty! We still have so much stuff in there. It is killing me that I just cant turn in the keys yet.

I tried to get my mattress downstairs to get rid of it, and it got stuck in the stairwell because the stairs turn. Me and the kids pushed, pulled and even stood on top and jumped on it, but it just wont come down.

Then I tried again to get the sofa out to throw away. It flat out will not fit. Period. I dont know how to get them out!

I cant ask for help yet because the house is in such terrible shape I am embarrassed to ask anyone to come over and help me. For me to get to the point where I can get help, I need to finish moving all the stuff out of the house. But it is just me. The kids barely help. It is a lot to have to move a whole house alone. So I am worried I will have to pay another month's rent. That would be fine, but next month is Christmas.

It still might be fine, because for the first time in my life, I shopped early. I used lay away and I already have a load of presents half paid off. Good good.

So my main activity to keep me busy and help me move forward as a person is to get rid of that house. While I am doing this, I have to try and release all the resentment I feel because I have to to this all by myself.

The next thing I was tossing and turning all night about was money. I am just so upset because he FINALLY has a full time job. FINALLY, after all the years I had to struggle, we would be stress free financially. And he screwed it all up, and there is nothing I can do about it.

Once I get rid of the house, I will feel better financially. So I just need to get rid of the house.

The other thing that kept me up is how starved I am for physical contact. There is nothing I can do about that one.

Lastly, I had a parent-teacher conference set for this morning, so that had me nervous.

I went into the school today and it was HORRID!. My S will be 12 in a few days. They are worried because he talks about sexual things too much. Now, remember, he goes to a catholic school. I got him a phone this month. He followed some girls in instagram that wore bikini's. So the school called me in because they said there was porn on his phone.

How the heck I am going to get a 12 year old boy to not talk about girls is beyond me. But he is also changing and it has all been in the last 2 months. He has been falling asleep in class. and when they ask him about it he makes up stories. He said his grandma told him to do his homework at 2:00am so he was up all night. That MIGHT have been partly believable but he has missed 10 homework assignments in the last month and a half. So there is no way he is staying up all night doing homework.

I need my son to get his act together. NOW. They want him to see a counselor. Great, so he can go and complain about his mother all day, lol. I will sign him up for one and find the money to pay them, but I need faster results. They will kick him out in a heartbeat and then he will be stuck in a public school.

I almost texted jerkface when I left the school to help me with the boy. But he cant even help himself right now so I cant rely on him to help with S.

I just need to roll up my sleeves and get on his back harder about his schoolwork. The thought of me adding more stress to this poor boy kills me, but it will be less stressful if I force him to do his work than if they school expels him.

Yes... I see the similarity between my H and my S. I never nagged my H about not doing what he needed to. I found a different way of getting it done. I dont nag my S. But it is past time to lay down the law.

The weird part is my girls are flourishing. My D15 who has always been a below average student in grade school is now taking honors courses. She did this on her own. I did not even nudge her to do it. My D17 is a fine student and I never have to tell them how to complete their work.

If I were to try and tell the girls how to do their work, they would probably fail. How weird is that?

My S is actually smarter that the girls. He has a brilliant math mind, so of course he is failing math.

Oh well. I will sit and have a heart to heart with S today and see if I cant get a baby step from him. I will have to just treat him like a baby as long as he continues to act like a baby.