ust had MC. It was like the therapist had been reading my thread today. He asked H to open up and talk about his feelings. H surprisingly did so in a calm manner without any spew. I listened, I validated. The counselor rephrased a couple of things for me. H spoke more, I validated more. The counselor correctly pointed out that 7-8 months ago I would have "validated" but then jumped in with my interpretation of events. He commented that 2x tonight he asked me to "take the floor" and I deferred and went back to validating. I told him that to me listening and understanding H right now was more important than expressing my perspective. That I have come to the conclusion that yes, my perspective is important, but not nearly as important as the R, and that at least half of what I thought was worth expressing before was really not.
I love this! Thank you for telling this - its like a new perspective for me that helps me out when nothing else was working for me. In a way, it gives me a new tactic and hope.
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I don't have the need to "fight" anymore, I feel a need to listen. I get it. I regret not "getting it" sooner. I regret that I hurt H. H said some things, some of it I completely understood, some of it upset me and I truly don't agree with. But I just validated. I can do this. Oh! Also at some point the MC said to me that I did a great job not reacting and I said , "Oh just wait until we get home, I will let him have it then." I laughed, the counselor laughed, H looked nervous. He does not get my sense of humor! Maybe I shouldn't joke with him. Dammit, that is my personality.
I also don't have the need to fight. We have MC today and I am scared. Really scared. But I don't need to fight. Just listen and validate. I should have been doing this for so long. But, hopefully it isn't too late. Thank you again!
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OK, deep breaths. This was just the ice breaker to the topic. We will get to a better place. Right?
Yes we will, Pho. In fact you are well on your way whether you realize it or not.
Last edited by Spiff69; 11/19/1512:54 PM.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
