You are in full blown pursuit and have become a full time enabler in the process. You deserve more than this and we need to discuss a couple of issues to determine how to proceed.
The time is now to decide where you are. To me, the emotional game hubby is playing with you is only for his safety net to be there. This is very different than the safety zone I talk about.
He is under no pressure or need to decide about the relationship because you are allowing him to fulfill his sleeping around fantasies and still have the assurances of a home.
What are you prepared to do about this, besides continue as is? You are a smart girl. You've been given great advice by several people here, and I'm sorry to say, your follow through looks weak. I especially like the 2 posts by BillFromYorktown on 3/31.
A recent post: ... anyway, I'm thinking I need to back up, regroup rethink and decide how to get back on track from here. I really need any thoughts on where to go next anybody has!
H is still obviously angry from my email yesterday, distant and cool this am, responded to ILY but not as "huggy" as usual. This am as we walked out to vehicles, I told him again that I was sorry for yesterdays email, he said "it's ok", and then I told him "I hope you'll be able to forgive me for it sometime", and he responded "I will", so maybe he just needs time to make sure I know how mad he is. I didn't hug or kiss on him, just told him I'd be thinking of him and praying for him. ..... So, what do I do now?
this much I've figured out:
--DONT ASK ANYTHING!!!!! I've been wanting to ask for clarification of some things he's said re: not seeing OW, if "it" doesnt work out, etc....have been biting my tongue and need to keep doing it....!!!!!
--AVOID R talks (goes w/#1)
--Listen & validate....I'm sure he's going to have a hard time w/some work stuff.
--Offer physical touch, backrubs, etc....as a comfort measure
--get my PMA back up, it's pretty low right now.
Aside from showing your need for validation, ILY's, all of the pursuit stuff, this shows a moment of mental clarity. The goals are okay, the reasoning is sound, we need to work on execution and refine some of the steps.
After reviewing a couple months of your posts, in my gut feelings, you haven't established the foundation for growth. As you said in your post, 'It may be time to back up, regroup .....'
I'm thinking beginner's mind stuff, detaching, starting fresh.
