Just had MC. It was like the therapist had been reading my thread today. He asked H to open up and talk about his feelings. H surprisingly did so in a calm manner without any spew. I listened, I validated. The counselor rephrased a couple of things for me. H spoke more, I validated more. The counselor correctly pointed out that 7-8 months ago I would have "validated" but then jumped in with my interpretation of events. He commented that 2x tonight he asked me to "take the floor" and I deferred and went back to validating. I told him that to me listening and understanding H right now was more important than expressing my perspective. That I have come to the conclusion that yes, my perspective is important, but not nearly as important as the R, and that at least half of what I thought was worth expressing before was really not.
I don't have the need to "fight" anymore, I feel a need to listen. I get it. I regret not "getting it" sooner. I regret that I hurt H. H said some things, some of it I completely understood, some of it upset me and I truly don't agree with. But I just validated. I can do this. Oh! Also at some point the MC said to me that I did a great job not reacting and I said , "Oh just wait until we get home, I will let him have it then." I laughed, the counselor laughed, H looked nervous. He does not get my sense of humor! Maybe I shouldn't joke with him. Dammit, that is my personality.
Good night my DB friends. I did more "work" on myself and my R today with you all than I have in the past 6 months of MC. This is where I worked it out. I am exhausted. I am going to get these kids to bed and drink a shot or two of whiskey. Tomorrow is IC and then birthday party prep for S11 about to be 12's party. 15 kids at my house on Friday night. That I can handle without the whiskey, but a quiet night with H, I need whiskey for. Thus is the state of my life right now.
Just send me all of your bills in the mail, you are all worth more than the outrageous fees the MC charges. Thank you.
