Back on these forums again 3

[Mona52]

I hope he is not intimidated Gmum. I never asked him once to live up to me. I made my life as it is out of necessity that he forced on me. He always stood by my side as I accomplished what I did. When he started working less and less hours, I never asked him to find a new job. Instead I found a new way to bring more income into the house. I had to, or the bills would not have been paid. I never flaunted the money or made him feel like I was the bread winner so I was in charge.

When he went out and bought a $300.00 watch, yet his paycheck was $120, I was angry, but my anger lasted barely an hour. When he kept bringing our bank account negative, i had to separate and create my own account, but again, if I didnt, the bills would not have been paid. But I never made him ask me for money. I had it set up that hundreds from every check went into his account.

There were 2 areas where he really disappointed me, and I did let him know and begged him to stop. The first was playing video games until 5 or 6 am every night. Especially since he crossed a line with OW by sending and receiving pictures and texts. I hated laying in bed alone every night. He was right down stairs, but I felt so lonely.

The other thing was his lies and not keeping his promises. He was constantly promising he would do this, or that, and then he never attempted to do it. Or he would lie about the stupidest thing for no reason. It was constant. After a while, it felt like nothing he said to me was true and I did not matter at all to him.

I think if I intimidated him, maybe he would have tried to make it work.

I feel 100% retched that he has to figure out how to pay the bills all by himself. When things got tight, I had to be so creative to figure out a way to stay afloat. He never had to do that before. I dont know how he will do it. I really think he will get evicted from his apartment. I did the math, and he does not earn enough to live where he moved. Period. He is spending more than he is bringing in.

There is a real chance he will hate and blame me once he gets evicted. That scares the heck out of me. But I cant think about that. He has not been evicted, so there is no use worrying. If he does get evicted, it is not my fault. He is a grown man who wants nothing to do with me. He made these choices, not me.

If he blames me and hates me, that is 100% out of my control.

If I intimidate him now, that is also out of my control. I need to GAL to forget the pain. I cant just roll over and not live so he does not feel small. Also, from the first round of DB'ing, the GAL thing kinda became a habit and I am not sure I even know how to stop.