My Boudary To Wife: I realize you like this OM and you feel like you dont want to lose his freindship However, you continued texting and freindship with him makes me feel anxious and if this continues i will be unable put any focus on fixing our marrage.
How about not limiting it to just this OM? What if you said, "I will not live in an open M. That includes affairs of any kind and inappropriate friendships. If you continue contacting this OM, I will assume you have made your choice and I will proceed with a divorce".
Now then, if you can't stick to it, then don't say it. But I'll tell you up front that you cannot bluff her. You don't dare tell her something like this and then back out. You have to be tough, very tough or she'll play you for a bigger fool than she already has. All WW's play their H for a fool. They are disgusted and have no respect for him, so the only way he can really gain ground is to be strong enough to make a believer out of her. He may even have to go as far as filing for a D, but IMHO, he stands a better chance than waiting around to see if she's going to end the contacting with other men. Everyone does not agree with me on that point, it's just my opinion. Your WW needs to believe you will not tolerate such behavior in your M, and that she could very well lose you over this OM.
If this is too strong for your stomach, then we can work on another way to state a boundary.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
