Don't know what to do anymore...

[Painter]

Thank you for your good wishes, Roiste. I think I need every bit of it.

You're right, he's not all in. At one point we were piecing, but he has lost momentum, it seems.

Turning him down is a very difficult balancing act. It's not to withhold or penalize, it is simply because I feel rejected and that makes me not want it, and like I'm just being used. I would love to want it - and H could very easily make that happen, but his pride seems to get in the way. I know he feels like he 'shouldn't have to' do anything, I should just be as interested as he is all the time.

I'm very aware what happens with H's emotions when I turn him down - he has made sure to tell me that for years, sometimes very angrily and loudly - but right now it feels like he is cake-eating. His reasons for wanting it has ranged from trying to rekindle his love, to just impulse, to 'well, we're both here...'

It's exasperating that he doesn't listen to what I'm telling him about what makes me feel it. He thinks walking around naked at home should work for me the way it works for him, but the only urge I feel, is to put towels on the furniture!