I think one thing you need to think about is that this isn't your fault. None of it. The important thing to remember is that she chose that. When the pain and fog clears, you will come to realize that.
I know it hurts. It hurts me, too. My W is (was?) my best friend and has been for 10 years, and that bond - I thought - was stronger than any friendship before. During that time, when we moved from place to place, we were all we had. No friends or family within near driving distance. That also took its toll. So I am right there with you. Like you, I have friends I can talk to, but it isn't the same. Never will be.
I know you have heard on here time and again about concentrating on yourself and putting one foot forward, so I won't go into that. But, you have a bigger picture to work for - and that's your kids. No other choice.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
