NCLFA - WW and Feelings of Confusion

[sandi2]

The guys are right about her asking you those type of questions. We understand you love the woman. You do not have to convince us. Right now, and I hope you'll understand what I mean, this is not about giving in to her b/c you love her so much. It is about being stronger than her, and being the head of your home. How can she respect you as a man when you roll over and stick your paws up in the air? I know I harp a lot on men showing their inner male strength, b/c I know that's what women need, and especially a WW.

I can tell you are soft hearted and easygoing. You are the good, nice-guy. You are also the kind of guy a WW eats for lunch. You have to set boundaries that have consequences, or else she will never feel sexual love for you. She will disrespect you so much that she will deliberately do things to despise you. I'm sure you don't want it to reach that level.

If you could find Starsky and flag him down, he is the best at telling a LBH what to say to a WW. I've not seen him stumped, yet!

If the W has said she wants to S or get a D, then you have the perfect opportunity when she asks you why you don't say ILY or kiss her, etc., to give her a truth dart.

If you don't know what to say, just give her a "look", or as one of the guys said, "Seriously" or "You're kidding".

Remember, if you say something to her that asks her a question, it will turn into a R talk. You don't have to answer at all, if you don't know what to say.

Could i tell her I used to say it to get confirmaion she loves me back and that id rather not have to ask for the confirmation that she loves me?

No, I don't think you should tell her at this time. Maybe after the M has been reconciled.

I never know what to say when she springs these kind of questions on me my knee jerk reaction is to say something thay makes her feel better.

Your job, presently, is not about helping her feel better. She needs to face the music, and not be protected by you. If you love her for real, then you'll be firm and not fall back to a weaken position. Always maintain a position of strength, leadership, and integrity.

When she takes you off guard with something, just look at her and say nothing. If it is something totally ridiculous, look at her, shake your head and walk away. That tells a WW a lot more than words.

Never allow her to put you on trial about your past mistakes or what you are or aren't doing now. She is the one who messed this up, and she has to be the one to clean it up. She doesn't clean it up by blaming you for her mess. In fact, one of Starsky's quotes was, "This is your mess. You clean it up!" Bear in mind, that you can say these things without sounding like a monster. You don't have to cuss, yell at her, etc. Just say it in a calm but firm tone of voice. No pleading or weak, tones. You have to start doing this to gain her respect in you as a man.