titikSate

[Mona52]

Remember your feelings pass. Your wife is an imperfect human, and even if she were to throw her arms around you and praise you for your strength and promise to never let you go, she would still be an imperfect human.

We, on this forum, tend to forget how flawed our S was before our nightmares began. We remember the honeymoon phase. And that is good, because that is what keeps us strong and fighting.

I just want to tell you it is completely normal to wonder why you are fighting for her. She is not perfect. It is completely normal to feel like you just now realized that she may not be who you want for the rest of your life.

Just like it will be completely normal for you to wake up tomorrow and see through rose colored glasses how much you love her and of course you will fight for her. How could you ever believe otherwise?

Your journey will be up and down, back and forth. When you are feeling down, act as-if, and as time passes you will be back up again.

Love is a decision. You must decide it every day. It is not a once and done thing. When you wake up each day, you have to decide, will you love your W today or not. Feelings come and go.

I want to give you a positive, but I do not want you to feel like I think you have it any easier. I just want to point out that your W is there. Many people on the boards would die to have dinner with their WAS.

No, I do not believe this makes it easier for you at all. There are many times reading your sitch when I thought it would be so much easier for you if you two were separated. But you are not. So, if possible, look to that positive.

I do have to say, that when you told me that you were watching your W and not talking, I kinda cringed. If she could feel you watching her you may be making your journey last longer than it needs to.

I used to watch my H with big, sad puppy-dog eyes. I am sure you are not going that far, but if they think you are adding pressure, they will pull further away.

Try and get to a point where you have zero expectations in your eyes. Dont expect your wife to be good or bad. Have zero expectations and she cant disappoint you.

Just keep trucking forward! You are a rock, seriously.