I feel that I am coming to grips with the fact that W may never get back to her old self, even though she is starting to act that way
I am having that feeling, too. I think in a way, all of us could say the same thing. The same could be said about the old marriage. It took me a long time to realize that my old marriage is dead and gone - that doesn't mean that things are over, but that a newer and stronger marriage can come out of it. It's just that people - and marriages - grow and change over time. The old W - as with you - isn't the same person you dated and married...she changed and grew over time, just like you have. What I am trying to say, is try not to expect things to go back to the way they were...if things work out, it will be new and different and better - and thats an exciting thing!
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I would love to know if we are ready to start working on us, or start our seperate lives so that all 5 of us can begin to heal.
That is a very common question I think all of ask over and over. I don't have an answer for that. Some will say continue with the DB techniques while others say test the waters. That one is completely up to you as you are the only one who knows your W.
This week I finally got tired of the egg shells and when she made the statement of "we have been working on us since (the BD) and haven't gotten anywhere." It was the same worn line she has used time and again. So I finally just said: "Have we really been working on us? Have you been open to trying? Have you allowed me to kiss or touch you? Working on and fixing us is being committed to doing just that and saving the marriage, and so far I don't feel like that has happened (I tried to avoid finger pointing and all) yet." She didn't answer nor do I suspect she will. I may have dug the grave then, but you know what? I said it. And I am fine because I hate those freaking egg shells!
Keep your head up!! You are doing great and in a better place than I am!
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
