Back on these forums again 3

[Mona52]

My girls and I were able to accomplish a ton of work last night. I wanted to watch Lord of the Rings, but we worked so long and so hard that I fell asleep right after it began. I feel like I was short changed. That was my reward. Oh well, I guess I will have to just watch it AGAIN tonight

Yes I have a small thing for Aragorn... ok and Legolas. Ya know what, let's just not talk about it.

I got a text from H yesterday
H: Hey. How was your day. Sry about yesterday. Some days are better than others.

I ignore him. I had to. If I had replied I know we would have ended up in a fight. And I was super busy. And, to be honest, every time i itched to reply to him, I just distracted my thoughts with another man. In a nice way. For example, it annoyed my that my H can't handle one bill. I would feel my anger rising and I would remember how this one guy did things on Sunday that took care of our whole group.

The guy I am talking about is not anything near a person for an A. I am not breaking my vowels in any way, with him. I am just using him as an example of what I want more of. I am supposed to think of what I want more of, not less of, right

I dont know why, but it calmed me down. Knowing that guys still do take responsibility for things. I was reading MWD last night and I cant remember what I was reading but she said to applaud loudly the 1% they DO do. And that is so, so , so hard for me right now. I am struggling with feelings of resentment because it has been since the third week of October since he even attempted to contact the kids. He saw them when he came to do his laundry, but not all three of them and only for a short time. I have to take care of the kids 100%. He pays support, but only because I took him in. He gave me nothing willingly.

So someone please tell me where this elusive 1% is I need to applaud? I am sincerely asking. But I am a firm believer that MWD is right, and if I applaud that 1% he will be happy enough to give 2%. And if i can get him from 1% to 2 %, well, that is a 100% increase in effort. So I have no doubt I can get him to the point where he is giving 40%. Then I will finally feel like I am part of a team, and not his parent as well.

My dearest mom is driving me right up the wall. I am finding it extremely hard to find a place in this world where I can just relax. I am half tempted to just rent a hotel room for a day this weekend.

Wait, I forgot! I am going out of town on Sunday for work! I will be gone Sunday, Monday and I will come home Tuesday. OMG That is pretty awesome. Finally, I get some alone time with my thoughts.

Felling pretty good about life all of a sudden.