As she is a WW, have you read the five threads about LBH's with a WW at the bottom of the 37 rules? Those are important reading I think.
If those threads are right, your W will be fuelled by resentment, rebellion and entitlement. She will expect to continue things with OM, whilst you meekly comply (from fear of losing her). She wants you to remain right where you are - an option for her to return to, should plan A fail. I think that is the myth you need to dispel through your actions.
If you stay 'right where you are' with the door open, you don't upset the equilibrium. However, if you (for your own wellbeing, not for effect) truly start to move forward with your own life, fully accepting her decision to leave - then things can start to turn.
However, your own fear is the big thing to address before you can truly do this. Most of us fear losing more (the chance to reconcile?) But truly all is lost (for now) at point of BD anyway - it just takes us a while to realise this. However, all may not be lost in the longer term, but I don't think remaining on the back burner for your spouse is the way to go.
I think taking this time to pursue some nourishing stuff for you is the way to go - learn to sail if that's what you always wanted to do, enrol on a cookery class, take up salsa, go to some meetups. What's on your bucket list? Whatever floats your boat. These things will be good for you at a difficult time. And you aren't doing them 'in the hope things may turn' but the fact is things are more likely to turn if your W thinks - hey, he seems pretty happy without me. Plus, OM gets to meet all her needs. And being an OM, he will be an 'affair down' and probably not great at meeting his own or anyone else's needs....and so things are likely to break down there too.
However, all of this takes time and if you spend all of that waiting and hoping for signs, it will be like watching a pot that never seems to get to the boil.
So - how are you going to get out and live your life in the next couple of months??
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
