Does the affair partner (the OW) not feel some level of insecurity?
I mean, if a married man was willing to enter into a secret closeness with someone that wasn't his partner, and in that betray his partner of 15 years, would the OW not think/imagine/worry that the same might happen to her at some point?
I know I should be focussing more on myself, but someone asked me a question about my H yesterday and it got me thinking about him (I also had a nightmare about both of them together last night).
On the plus side, yesterday I went for a quick window shop. I haven't looked at clothes for myself for goodness knows how long. I think probably because I've felt so low and down about myself over the past few years I didn't buy anything, but it was nice to look at pretty things for a half hour.
Also on the plus side, I used some of the reward points I had been collecting for a while to get a little something to help me look a little different/nicer. Nothing drastic, just something I can enjoy spending a little time and care on. I'm giving it a trial run this morning.
And, I'm managing to sleep a bit more at night. At first, I could only manage a handful of hours, and would spend pretty much the rest of my waking day in tears, but I think I'm up to about five hours sleep a night now and am trying to steer my thoughts to something more positive and constructive for myself.
Not saying I'm not seeing/learning some pretty hard truths about myself and who I am. But I'm not scared of those, and don't feel disillusioned or crushed by them. They are what they are, and I know why I have been (maybe still am?) like that.
I've always been in a rush to pick things apart, understand, sort things out and to get somewhere in my life, but I'm realising more and more that time is my friend in this whole thing. I never thought I would say this, right in the middle of this total nightmare situation, but I'm beginning to feel a huge sense of calm and stillness.
