Thanks for posting guys and I'm sorry I haven't posted on my own thread for a bit. I look in on others but don't have much news just now. I went to the divorce support group last night. That always gets me thinking. the theme last night was responsibility - your part in the demise of the marriage, your responsibility for yourself now and so on.
One theme we got onto was cheaters. If they cheat once, they will cheat again. A few people have said this to me and others in the group were M to repreat cheaters, so I understand that. This always sets me on a bit of a spin. I know the trajectory that many of these sitches take. It is possible that H may turn back at some point (he may not..) I kind of want both, and then I'm not sure what I want and then I tell myself it's a moot point just now, so why go back to it.
I guess for me, him having an A and filing for D puts a lot on him, and whilst I've learned some things about me as a partner for 'next time' there is some peace in how this has played out. I feel I truly tried to save things and can live with the outcome if we D.
But, if he does turn back to 'us' that turns things on it's head. And I know there is a chance of this, even if we D, and it then becomes me who would have to decide - and if I haven't yet decided, it isn't done. This is what troubles me. I don't know if I am done or not. And I know I don't need to even decide, but it does whirl around in my head and so that's why I'm posting it.
On the one hand I feel I would be thrilled if he was interested in 'us' - for so long I have lived with disinterest. And on the other, there is a familiar story of cheating spouses crawling back to the M when the affair breaks down and then doing it again...would I always live in fear of that? Again, I know it's pointless to worry, but it's on my mind. Then if I'm not one of the LBS's that the WAS turns back to - then maybe I'm not a good a wife as I thought I was....and is that kind of worse? Is my perspective of how I was - off??
I know this might sound as though I'm a bit stuck - but it is one of the things that regularly troubles me. Truly, I fully expect us to D - and we are carrying on along that route. Minimal contact - all pleasant. I have no idea what he is up to - nor he me. Not sure where I am going with this post really - just journaling what's on my mind.
On a more positive note - looks like I made a new friend at the divorce workshop. She lives in the same town and we share a lift now. I had a work review this week and my boss is thrilled with my work & wants to offer a permanent contract from April. I've been busy socially last weekend - I'm out again tonight.....lots of pleasant stuff going on really.
Anyway - thanks for reading and sorry if all a bit rambling. I guess my question to myself is if your S does turn back to you - how do you know the difference between truly repentant and likely to do it again?? And is the pattern with MLC cheaters different to those not in MLC? And how would you ever deal with the barrage of belief that you're a fool to take the lying cheat back? But if you don't take him back, have you abandoned someone at a time of crisis when they truly needed you?
Anyway, I'll leave it there before I go round that loop again. Have a good day all xx
Last edited by Sotto; 11/18/1508:02 AM.
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
