[BrightFuture]

Peacetoday, thank you for stopping by and for your kind words. I have read your recent posts and I’m glad that your kids are doing fine, and that your daughter finally got an apology from her father.

I’m still not feeling well, but went to work today. Last weekend was miserable. I was not sick like that for a long time. It was pretty lonely too… I felt like the whole world abandoned me. But I just had no energy to even feel sorry for myself. I went to the doctor yesterday and got some meds.

You might be right that H is picking out a little. I feel the same way. At least he probably realizes now that he had a great family. Now, that he looks at this from outside and from afar, if it makes sense. Plus, my son is not bitter, or angry, or resentful of H. I think he accepted the things the way they are and he shows his gratitude for all the good things that H’s done for me and for him.

As for searching for happiness, or making amends, I think H has to hit the rock bottom in order to start some serious inner work. And I don’t really know what that bottom might be. He’s done drinking and partying (and probably still doing it) and it didn’t help him to feel happier, I guess. So, he is on antidepressants now. Probably still drinking… I’m thinking that the rock bottom would be some serious illness. I do not wish this for him though.

I would still want to hear the words if regret from him one day… It could be a long time before that though…