Thank you Mona for thinking of me. It feels good to have someone wonder how I'm doing. I have not posted in a couple of days because I have been reflecting on my situation.
I have noticed a new feeling within me and I am dismayed by it. For example my wife came home early tonight and she eat dinner with my daughter, my son and myself. My wife talked with my daughter and would not look at me. That is not anything new. In the past I would wait to speak but try to. Today, I sat there looking at her and had no desire to talk to her. I sat there and listened, looking at her and thinking her words have lost their luster. I still love my wife but as I type this I wonder why. She has withdrawn and made herself a stranger to me.
This must be a level of detachment. I now see how hard it is to remain upbeat and behave well when facing adversity. I will not give up but there are some moments in which the despondency is suffocating. What is not clear any more is why I'm doing it. Is it for love, a sense of duty, habit, fear or all of the above. I have entered a unclear portion of my path. I will keep moving forward and hope the light of truth shines down on me.
