Newcomer Looking For Advice

[Strngr!]

But I'm sure she was thinking of how it is better for you to go first. LOL.

A little sarcasm im sensing.

[Strngr!]

Ok so im a bad boy broke the rules again and snooped in on W not with OM just with her freind. She says that she thinks im being cold and that i dont care anymore. She thinks im doing more then giving her space and she says it makes her not want to come home. She feels hurt and its not making her miss my affection she guesses. She doesn't like me clingy and she doesnt like me withdrawn and her freind is telling her maybe she has the answer at to she wants. Any thoughts? Is this type of discussion normal? I fear i am in no mans land and there is no saving my M. Better to just save myself? Ugh why did i spy nothing good ever comes of it.

[Strngr!]

Also im not trying to be cold how do i stop her from thinking im being cold i try to remain cheery at all times.

[mvgfwd2]

Is her friend divorced or a cheater? If so, she will give your W bad advice in regards to the M. Remember to GAL, you are to become a guy only a fool would leave.

[Azzork]

That's why you don't snoop.

You can't control what she thinks. She's going to think whatever suits her story.

[Strngr!]

Is her friend divorced or a cheater

Yes and Id guess yes to cheater but not 100% sure. I knew W going to her for advice was bad news but what can i do. They are BFFs. I guess i need to take that advice that has been given to me a much of times and focus on myself.

Had couple questions with regards to sandi's rules didnt realy see them covered in there.

I am in the habbit of calling my W love or dear or hun and other terms of endearment. Do those go out the window with saying i love you?

Also, when W comes to me asking how she looks or is digging for a compliment. What is the best corse of action?

[mvgfwd2]

My W had a friend who was a serial cheater and soon to be divorced. These type of friends want to bring the non-cheater friend along for the fun. Show them the ropes to happiness. They make it look so exciting and make you look like a complete ass. When I found out about the A I demanded my W have no more contact with her BF, brother, and the OM. Thankfully, she complied without any fight. Not long after they were out of her life she came out of the fog. Literally, they were painting a new life with OM and without me as to only path for her happiness. After they were gone and saw things without the constant negative voices in her head, voices she trusted, she came to her senses. My W never wants to see them again, even her brother.

This statement is worrisome about how her friend is guiding your W "...her freind is telling her maybe she has the answer at to she wants." That sounds a lot like she is guiding her away from the M. And it will all sound so exciting. Bad advice and not a true friend.

So you not only have to get her away from OM but her BF in order to get her out of the fog and think straight.

[Strngr!]

My W had a friend who was a serial cheater and soon to be divorced. These type of friends want to bring the non-cheater friend along for the fun. Show them the ropes to happiness. They make it look so exciting and make you look like a complete ass. When I found out about the A I demanded my W have no more contact with her BF, brother, and the OM. Thankfully, she complied without any fight. Not long after they were out of her life she came out of the fog. Literally, they were painting a new life with OM and without me as to only path for her happiness. After they were gone and saw things without the constant negative voices in her head, voices she trusted, she came to her senses. My W never wants to see them again, even her brother.

This statement is worrisome about how her friend is guiding your W "...her freind is telling her maybe she has the answer at to she wants." That sounds a lot like she is guiding her away from the M. And it will all sound so exciting. Bad advice and not a true friend.

So you not only have to get her away from OM but her BF in order to get her out of the fog and think straight.

Well that certainly throws a wrench into the gears her freind is actually dating one of my best freinds Joy

[Strngr!]

The sad part is she has some real good freinds at work that have basically called her out on her R with OM and she is pushing them away going out with her other freind that paints the happy picture for the A

[mvgfwd2]

That is typical. Cheaters don't want to be around people who disapprove. Takes away from the thrill. They either convert friends to the lifestyle or find new friends of like mind. I hope I'm wrong about her BFF.

Work on your boundaries. Standing up for yourself and your marriage is an attractive quality.