Maybe because I am in the same kind of boat, I can get it completely. RD has a wife that left him, has something weird going on with another guy, that she does say it is just a friendship and we all think it is, but who knows.
She left a marriage, a husband, her children and all this to be miserable. She then never stops crying, saying how unhappy she is, how horrible is her life, that she has no direction, no money, not a good place to live and the some extra troubles always find the way to meet her.
WHAT A HELL!!! Yes, a complete hell because it is easy to react to if the LS is totally happy, building their lives with or without someone, but happy, resolute. firm, consistent.
We don't see this, we see someone suffering with their choices. We hear someone saying how much they care for us, how much they love us, that all the years in a marriage was not a waste of time and by the opposite it was very important.
That they miss us and then they cry more and more.
Then what do you do? Go hard on that person and say get the hell out of my site? Look at then and don't feel anything like they don't really mean anything to us?
It HURTS... HURST AND HURTS A LOT... to see that we could just sit down, talk the real talk, and at least try once again and this time knowing that we took our M, R for granted and that we would be willing to put our part to make things better.
Everyone made mistakes, everyone fails at some point and disconnect from their partners time to time, but why we need to hear all the good stuff and yet they do not want us anymore, not even to try to see if it could work or not?
Some call this depression, MLC... I call this torture. I think I would rather be slapped in a face and left for dead then hear all the time all the good stuff, remember some funny situations, get the caring words, caring gestures and yet feel it is all gone.
If someone is experience the nice LS, then they understand well what is happening to RD. It is a deep pain to leave behind someone that still says "I love you", is to leave behind the family you once knew so well, the one that woke up besides you, that knows all your words, your smell, your touch, your good and bad days.
We had a good M, we did not have violence, abuse, we had a family with a lot of kids and a lot going on all the time. Our S jumped out of the wagon one day and said they did not want us anymore, just because... just because... and nothing else.
We are reaching that point were we know we need to move on, to look forward and keep going. It is also hard not to have the time and space for our pain. We have kids, we need to be responsible and we were left with the whole deal.
Our S left, they have problems, are depressed and can't handle any responsibilities, so it is up to us to step up and be there for the ones that have no say on this, no guilt on this, no fault on this.
Sometimes we feel we need to go away and be alone for awhile, to get our thinking straight, organize our heart, but we can't. We need to be there, in one piece if possible.
We need to make life as normal as possible, and then go to our room, tired, alone, rejected, and sometimes we cry, sometimes it is just empty, even for tears. Sometimes anger fills our heart with bitterness and anguish, sometimes we want to scream and bit the walls until blood comes our of our hands.
But we don't, we search ourselves, our souls and we decide to stay strong, that there will be tomorrow with the hope that it will be better. We are the strong ones, but also the ones that hurt a lot.
How to manage all this? I guess only time will heal our hearts and show us something else in life. RD does not want anyone in his life right now, he will flirt, joke around, but he is wounded and won't allow anyone to get to close to him.
Is this wrong? I don't think so, but yet it is like Sunny said, you could be missing out something better, who knows?
In some level I envy the ones that don't have kids, no contact, no nothing. Having the kids is a constant contact and our S have their way of never leaving us alone.
They made the mess and they feel the need to smash it in our faces all the time. Yes, we could just say enough... but then there is that thin line of hope, that they will snap out of their dream zone and sit down and talk like adults. But when? Is this worth to wait, to hope for?
Are the wounds going to be too deep, that there won't be any beauty left?
Is it time to call for a "Quit", are we dropping the rope? Are we ready to move on, forward, away from our spouses that are still ruminating around us?
If we stayed beside this person for so many years, it is because we invested in that R, because deep inside us we believe we would grow old together... and now it is all gone, all done. Is it? Is it really done?
So, I understand you RD, you are lost like I say: "Lost like a cucaracha in a dance floor". You want to move on but is still hoping that person would snap out of craziness. You are afraid of losing your time waiting on someone that left you, but you are also afraid of starting over with someone that you know nothing about. And among all this we have: 'THE KIDS", that are old but not that old, as a matter of fact they are in the worse age for all this turmoil.
Teenagers can turn their heads to the trouble side and a blink and then we will have even more trouble. And they are going through everything we are going through too.
If you are reading this, give your opinion. Maybe it is time to storm ideas and see what kind of action would be the best fit in this situation. Wonka said once to me that there are two kinds of MLCers and that my XH was the nice, crying kind.
RD, I hope you feel better, some of our friends will come up with some opinions about this craziness and maybe we call find some kind of therapy, solution, whatever it is, maybe magic to make us to step in this new season and still keep ourselves strong.
Com muito amor, carinho e um milhao de abracos. Eu gusto de ti e espero que meu carinho te encontre em algum lugar e te de a paz que tu tanto precisas.
